Doctors Diagnose All The Injuries In 'Home Alone'

In a special screening with Distractify, a few charismatic, hand-selected doctors diagnosed the injuries from Home Alone and made us rethink everything we believed as children. They also made us cringe and squirm with sympathy pain. A lot.

When I was a kid, I was very analytical and couldn't stand how unfathomable many of the circumstances were in programming geared towards kids. Like, cartoons were always hitting each other over the head with a frying pans and it would barely stagger their stance. They'd wobble a bit and see a bird or two, but then they'd continue on. They were always getting their feet run over by cars and letting pianos fall on their heads and getting their fingers and toes struck by hammers, and they never slowed down or went to the hospital! As a child, I thought this was an outrage.

When I saw Home Alone for the first time, and realized that not only was it a not-just-for-the-kids movie, but it was a live action movie and STILL had the same insane injuries without consequences, I was all: C'MON! So when I found this video with real doctors taking the occurring injuries very seriously, I was all: FINALLY! Because yes, as I suspected, literally every single one of the injuries that the robbers incur are enough to hospitalize them. So, take that Hollywood! Here are some outrageous highlights:

What's The Medical Solution For A BB Gun Shot To The Balls?

Definitely a whole lot more than just a yelp.

Robber Falls Down A Slight Of Ice-Slicken Stairs...

That's what I'm saying! Broken ribs, shattered pelvis, concussion, fractured vertebrae! C'mon!!

Good Ol' Blowtorch In The Door Trick

Somehow the fire has only burned his hat and hair...

Robber Gets Struck In The Chest With A Baseball Bat

He's all: "ouchie" and the doctors are all: R.I.P.

Watch all the awesomeness here:

Images: YouTube (5)