I recently had an experience that made me think about when to unmatch someone on Tinder. After exchanging a couple messages with someone, I became busy and didn't answer for a few hours. "I guess you're busy. Is there a better way to reach you?" he asked.
This made me uncomfortable — I wasn't ready to take our conversation off the app — but I felt bad and asked if I should give him my Facebook. He responded, "Facebook or text." Then, when I didn't reply again for another few hours, he sent me a message with just a question mark. The truth was, I didn't feel comfortable giving out my Facebook page, but he was making me feel guilty for not disclosing it — and for not doing it quickly enough. That's when I knew the problem was him, not me, and it was time to unmatch.
I already have my policies for when to swipe left to avoid creeps and people looking for one-night stands, since that's not what I'm looking for, but sometimes they fail and people who seem perfectly lovely on their profiles end up being pushy or inappropriate in their messages. Thankfully, Tinder's "unmatch" button ensures I never have to come into contact with these people again.
Because online dating introduces us to notoriously abusive characters, sometimes we become desensitized to messages that really should be red flags. In case you were doubting whether you should put up with a recent message you've received, here are some Tinder behaviors that justify unapologetic unmatching.
1. They Make You Feel Bad For Not Responding Quickly Enough
Most Tinder users are familiar with classic, overt guilting, but you also shouldn't be subjected to passive-aggressive messages like the "I guess you're busy" and "?" that I received — or the "stop stringing me along" I received after only a few minutes in the message above.
2. It Gets Really Sexual, Really Fast
I'm proud to say I gave this one a piece of my mind before hitting "unmatch." Of course it's OK to get sexual on Tinder, especially if you're looking for a one-night stand or a hookup on there, but if that's not what you want and someone starts talking about blow jobs right after you've said "hello", it's time to unmatch.
3. It Gets Really Romantic Really Fast
Not all Tinder messages of the jumping-the-gun variety are sexual.
4. They Claim To Be A Nigerian Prince With "Lots And Lots Of Monies"
It goes without saying that this isn't real (or that it's a real person who is taking his joke way too far).
5. They Spell Your Name Wrong
A name is the easiest thing to get right on Tinder. There's no excuse to spell someone's name wrong when it's staring you in the face as you type it.
6. They Clearly Didn't Read Your Profile
The whole point of putting information on our profiles is to bypass small talk and move on to more important things. This is especially frustrating for people who carefully craft their profiles to weed out those with different goals.
7. Their First Message Starts With "I Know It's Kind Of Weird And Pushy Haha ...."
You can really only go downhill from there.
8. They Try To Pull You Into Some Elaborate Sexual Fantasy
See item number two on this list. And if and when it is appropriate to bring up sex, consider discussing something that also appeals to the person you're addressing.
9. They Solicit Drugs
I don't know what app this user should be on, but he's definitely on the wrong one now.
10. They Invite You Into Their Home Right Away
Really? With no knowledge of me but a few photos and a bio, you're not even a little concerned I might rob you?
Were these people never taught not to give strangers their locations?
11. They Criticize Your Profile
This is one situation where I wished he had unmatched me.
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Images: Fotolia; Suzannah Weiss/Tinder(12)