Wanna Learn How To Make Drinks From Your Tears?

by Eliza Castile

It's not quite drinking the blood of your enemies, but it's close. Recently, conceptual artist duo Bompas & Parr has announced that they will host Bitter Tears, a workshop teaching people to create drinks made from human tears — just in time for the holiday season! After all, there's no better way to show someone you love them than to present them with a drink containing your own body fluids. Hannibal Lecter would be so proud.

You may recall Bompas & Parr from their previous work, which has included a boob-themed bouncy castle, a "multisensory" fireworks display that enveloped the watching crowd in fruity scents to match the color of the pyrotechnics, and Alcoholic Architecture, the London-based pop-up bar featuring breathable alcohol. Their Bitter Tears workshop continues this long tradition of bizarre-yet-clever projects, allowing visitors to create alcoholic cocktail bitters from their own (pasteurized) tears, and helping them design memento mori jewelry from their own hair.

If you thought I was joking about the holiday present aspect, I wasn't — the workshop is specifically designed with the intention of giving the results away. "The bitter tears will be delicious as well as a decadent gift," the project's description reads on Bompas & Parr's website. "And imagine the neatly knotted locks of your hair hanging around your mother’s neck while she tosses the sprouts."

According to the project's creators, the tears will be extracted through methods such as menthol, massage, and emotional classical music. (May I suggest repeated viewings of ASPCA commercials, or perhaps a little Adele?) Once collected, the tears will be pasteurized, tinctured in high-proof alcohol, and infused with whatever combination of herbs and spices strikes your fancy. In the end, you'll walk away with two bottles of bitters, three suggested recipes, the aforementioned jewelry made of your hair, and the opportunity to watch your mom struggle to find an appropriate expression when you give her alcohol made from your bodily fluids. All for just £25!

Tragically, the workshop is a one-time deal, taking place on Dec. 15 at Alcoholic Architecture. If you live in London and you're interested (and who wouldn't be?), you can find out more information at the Bompas & Parr website. Be sure to bring your best crying face.

Images: Salamatik/Fotolia; Giphy (2)