I Lived Like A Disney Princess For A Day & Learned Woodland Creatures Are Really Not Into Me
What does it mean to live like a Disney princess? This is a question I've pondered today as I've attempted to actualize my truest Disney self (yes, I have also been watching a lot of Fargo. Peggy forever). Spending the day living like a Disney princess in the real world, obviously, is a limited prospect. I don't have a magic carpet. There's no real nemesis in my life. Elton John isn't writing me an awesome soundtrack for my life. My waist isn't smaller than my eyes. I do have a Prince Charming but our life is more watching Top Chef and farting on the couch than it is singing in the forest while blue birds dance around our heads. I am also, sadly, not a mermaid.
I can and have, however, adopted a general Disney Princess attitude in my life today, which involves a whole lot of whimsy, day dreaming (sorry to my editor for that, but such is the project), and general upbeat positivity. I've also taken some of the less fantastical Disney notions and tried to put them into practice throughout the day, suffice to say, most of it was a giant failure, because no, I cannot find a mouse that can or will converse with me. Here's how my day living as a Disney Princess went:
1. Waiting For The Birds
The first thing I did in the morning was wait by the window in my pajamas (yes my pajamas is an oversized Seahawks t-shirt worn Donald Duck style) for little birds to fly up and dress me, like Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella or Snow White (all friends of the birds). I waited for about five minutes, at no point actually thinking the birds would come.
Even if they did, I'd have been reluctant to let them in knowing how much disease city birds can carry. (Although I'd probably have a pretty neat viral video on my hands if birds were flying around my room picking out clothes and putting them on my body.) After resigning myself to a life of bird-free dressing, I gave up and dressed myself.
2. Brushing My Hair With A Fork
If it works for Ariel... Apparently, under the sea fork-hair brushing physics don't apply to us landlubbers. The fork on my scalp was a lovely feeling, sort of like one of those orgasmic head massagers, but that's where it ended. The fork didn't so much brush my hair as it did separate it into stringy sections, and get caught a few times in a knot, which hurt.
This isn't a practice I'll be employing in my everyday life any time soon. Unless, of course, I trade in my beautiful singing voice for a mermaid's tail...
3. Singing Everything
Speaking of my beautiful singing voice, I made up a lot of songs to the tune of Disney songs today to go along with doing mundane tasks. Below is my rendition of Aladdin's "A Whole New World." I also believe I have found my calling.
4. Reading While Walking
When I was growing up, my favorite Disney Princess was Belle, because she loved to read and I was a giant nerd who constantly had her nose in a book. I identified with Belle. So, I decided to give reading-while-walking a try à la Belle in the first scene of Beauty and the Beast. For starters, there weren't kindly towns-folk greeting me from their store-fronts, which was really perturbing. And, the sidewalks in Queens are uneven, and difficult not to trip on even when you're paying attention. So, I couldn't concentrate on my book, which is a brilliant book, and wound up tripping more than once, even managing to catch on camera the moment I stubbed my toe on a piece of broken concrete.
5. Fashioning A Dress From A Blanket
I might not have been able to make animals dress me, but I sure as hell can make a dress out of something that's not a dress, like Ariel in The Little Mermaid. I took the throw blanket off my couch, wrapped it around my body, and used my jeans with the legs tied together as a belt. I guess I look cute as sh*t but the thing was about to fall off me, so it's not a fashion I'd be wearing out to dinner with my boyfriend's parents or anywhere I might want to remain fully clothed at all times.
6. Could I Be A Disney Princess?
If you took out the whole knight-in-shining-armor thing, and just focused on the musical aspects of Disney Princess-hood, I think I'd made a damn good one. I might not be able to befriend tiny woodland creatures, but I sure as hell can sing my way through any situation, no matter how boring.
Photos: Kat George/Bustle (7); Giphy (5)