Sexpert, erotica author, and feminist pornographer Tina Horn wants you to have better sex(t). In today's erotic landscape, digital flirtation is unavoidable, and like off-the-mark dirty talk, awkward sexting can spoil the mood in a heartbeat. To avoid these inevitable sexting snafus, Horn composed a handy book of guidelines and ground rules to help you brush up on your bawdy missives. Sexting: The Grownup's Little Book Of Sex Tips For Getting Dirty Digitally is designed for all folks, whether cis, trans, gay, straight, queer, bi, or beyond. It’s also crafted with a multiplicity of relationships in mind, covering the art of sext between monogamous married couples, strangers on dating sites, f*ck buddies, and those navigating consensually non-monogamous pairings.
Along with fun, illustrated, step-by-step tips on the verbal components of sexting, Horn also delves into sexting with images, providing both sexy selfie tips (look to your fave porn videos and fashion mags for inspiration) and sexy emoji combinations (fist + water droplets is always a winner). Plus, now that there's an entire set of emoji designed specifically for sexting, the pictographic possibilities are truly endless.
So whether you use sexting for foreplay, titillation, or masturbation, here are 10 tips from Tina Horn's sexting book to inspire you.
1. Dirty Talk IRL Is Good Practice For Sexting
The first step to having good sext is knowing how to talk dirty — and practicing it IRL. Although there are certain things you might only write and never say aloud, it's still important to get comfortable expressing yourself. "I honestly believe that people do know what to say; they just need a little help with how to say it," writes Horn.
2. Screenshot Your Best Sexts For Future Use
There's no shame in plagiarizing texts from one partner to use with another. Horn suggests you screencap some of your best exchanges and save them in a secret folder for future use.
3. You Don't Have To Be In Separate Places To Sext
Sexting isn't just for stoking the fires when you're miles apart, it can also be ideal for having your partner come hither when they're in the other room.
4. Don't Be A Slut-Shamer
Sharing fantasies always leaves room for a disjuncture between what one person likes and what another might find hilarious and/or repellant. Horn explains: "when someone tells you what words, styles, activities, or fetishes they love, make sure to remember they are making themselves vulnerable to you. Try to be affirming, even if what they like is not exactly your thing."
5. Accept A Compliment
"When someone compliments you, be gracious," Horn writes. "Women in particular are socialized to deflect flattery. We’re told to put constant effort into our appearance but not to be proud of it." So if your S.O. or a stranger texts (or says!) something sweet and/or sexy as hell, own it and accept it — you deserve it.
6. The Top 10 Dirty Verbs Are
Come, Cuddle, F*ck, Pound, Suck, Bang, Spank, Screw, Bite, and Slide.
7. Never Underestimate The Power Of A Name
While racking your brain for a sultry diminutive to call your sext partner, you might be forgetting the one that is the ultimate aphrodisiac — their name. Horn elaborates: "When I say someone’s name while I’m coming, it’s because I’m so obsessed with her, so incredulous that we’re sharing something so mind-blowing, that I want to announce her name as if she has just won a prestigious award!"
8. Lock Your Settings To "No Preview"
You don't want your boss, friends, or family seeing your sexts. Unless you're into that kind of thing...
9. Don't Use SIRI
SIRI does a delightfully hilarious hatchet job with language, but she does not make for a sex(t)y bedfellow.
10. Grammar And Punctuation Matter
Try to cling to the last vestiges of grammar and punctuation that we have left, people. However, poetic use of language is always a win-win, and sexting can often be a stimulating long form poem, Horn explains.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video on sex positions for small penises:
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