Where To Get It On When You're Staying With Family

by Emma McGowan
Adam Berry/Getty Images News/Getty Images

It’s the time of year when so many of us head back home to celebrate with our families, which usually means a lot of time spent cooped up indoors and watching weird movies on TV. If you’re home for the holidays this season — or you know, staying at Grandma’s house — and you’re either traveling with your partner or you’re looking to hookup with your high school crush, you might find that it’s kind of hard to figure out exactly where that hookup can happen. You’re so used to being an emancipated adult that you totally forgot about having to sneak around to get your freak on!

But just because you’re staying with relatives doesn’t mean you have to go without orgasming, right? Sure, you may have to make a few adjustments (like, probably keep the moaning and screaming to a minimum) but you can still absolutely get it on when you’re home for the holidays. You just have to be creative about it! Tap into your inner teenager and think about all of the places you used to enjoy covert oral and start there — although please make sure none of the spots you revisit are on school property.

If you’re having trouble remembering that far back (or if you’re like me and your awesome, sex-positive parents were OK with you having sex at home), here are seven suggestions for places you can have sex when you’re visiting relatives for the holidays.

1. In The Bathroom

Big advantages include the fact that it’s the only room in the house with a lock and that the shower can drown out some of the sexy sounds. Just make sure the coast is clear before you dash in or out — nothing gives you away like getting caught by a little cousin who asks, very loudly, “WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THERE? WHY ARE YOU NAKED?”

2. Guest Bedroom (Duh)

As long as your family is the type that knocks or there’s a lock, feel free to get freaky in the guest bedroom! It can actually be super hot to force yourself to be quiet or figure out ways to do it that don’t involve banging the headboard.

3. Backyard

At night, please. Sneak out and find a dark corner for a quick rendezvous. Unless, of course, your backyard is like, the forest and your from an area that doesn’t get cold in winter, in which case “go for a walk” and bring a condom.

4. Attic

“Oh yeah, Grandma, no problem! We’ll totally go up and search for that very specific Christmas decoration you were reminiscing about. It’s probably buried all the way in the back, you say? We’ll take our time.”

5. Bar Bathroom

If it’s just too tricky to get busy in the house, go find a bar with a good private bathroom and have a quickie there. You’ll annoy the crap out of the other patrons, but if you’re desperate for sex, it’s a decent solution.

6. Rent A Hotel Room

The bed is probably more comfy than that futon your mom has had for 30 years anyway.

7. A Car

It’s a classic for a reason, right? Just be careful about where you park it because nothing ruins the mood like a cop shining a maglite in your face.

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