7 Side Effects of Your Company Holiday Party

For the average 9-to-5er, the holidays are a great time of year: You get your bonus, you have lots of days off, and the company holiday party reminds you that maybe you don't hate your job that much. But that holiday party can be a double-edged sword, so beware: It is the time of many unfortunate happenings, as described in FastCompany's "The Morning After Your Company's Holiday Party."

I love this time of year. In fact, some of my greatest desk job memories from days of yore are of times when I wasn't actually working. You take part in holiday cheer, you exchange gifts, and you get to indulge in some of the tastiest treats of the Christmas season. And if your company is cool enough to hold festivities for its staff? Well, then, that's an added bonus; not every company hosts a shindig for its employees, and the declining number of companies having holiday parties suggests that it's not necessarily the norm to celebrate with your coworkers anymore. But at the same time, tread carefully, because this is a popular time for horribly irresponsible decision-making.

That's what FastCompany harnesses in their latest, completely relateable video. Scroll down to watch the whole thing — and in the meantime, behold! The seven unsavory things you realize the day after your holiday party:

1. You Hooked Up With a Coworker, Because Why Not?

Last week, you exchanged magnetic glances at the fax machine; so you decided to take your relationship to the next level. Sparks flew, emotions ran wild, and before you knew it, you were rendezvousing in the women's bathroom. Don't lie: You loved every minute.

2. You Hooked Up With a Coworker, and Now You Have to Go All Sherlock Holmes to Figure Out Who It Was

Your mouth tastes like you definitely made out with someone. Lucky you. It'd be even nicer if you could remember who they were, though. You know one thing for certain: It was either Bill from accounting, or John from operations. Or the mail person. Or the guy who squeegees your windows.

3. You Sort of Quit Your Job... You Definitely Quit Your Job

And it wasn't a noble act of standing up for what you believe in. You didn't storm out after your boss refused to offer equal pay for equal work. You didn't resign after the CEO showed no appreciation for your late nights and early mornings. The likelier scenario is that you found out they were switching the brand of toilet paper in the bathrooms, cried a little, then quit... much to your chagrin the next day.

4. You're Still Three Sheets to the Wind

Your words are slurring, you can't step one foot in front of the other, and you decided not to put a bra on this morning. Despite what you're telling everyone else, you're not tired: You're still drunk from the four deliciously festive cocktails you drank last night. Enjoy the alcoholic drinks during the holiday season while you can, because next year, your company might stop serving the holiday booze all together. Then, you might as well not go.

5. You Were the Only One Who Left Early

Look around you. All of your coworkers are either drunk, asleep, or shagging in the bathroom. You were definitely the only person who got to bed at a decent hour.

6. You Committed Yourself to Being the Company Doormat

In your inebriated state, you offered to work over the holidays, close the office at the end of the night (indefinitely), set up your boss's kids' future 401k plans, and donate a kidney to your coworker's neighbor. Nice job.

7. You Experienced a Dramatic Case of Word Vomit

And now, your staff knows every private detail of your life, including your husband's intimacy issues, your menstrual cycle, and that time you got high in the mailroom.

Watch the full video below, and remember to drink responsibly this holiday season.

Images: Michael Bentley/Flickr; FastCompany (7)