If you're on a quest to find your soulmate, you've given yourself a pretty tough task. Believing that there's one person out there who is meant for you, who will be your other half— the filling to your Oreo, the jam to your donut, the Nutella to your more Nutella— sounds downright impossible. But some people are out there determined to find a love that's perfect and unique.
The thing is, all love feels unique. And special. And singular. Even if you've been through it before, you'll still manage to believe that what you have with this current person is something no one else has experienced in all time ever. That feeling of uniqueness to be the only reason we can even begin to believe there's anything close to soulmates. That bubble feeling makes you believe it could be fate.
And because every pair and their dynamic is unique, it is slightly different then what you've experienced before, just enough to make you forget that that being in love feeling isn't actually special. But it is still just being in love. And we all fall in love, most people more than once.
So I'm not at all sold on the idea of soulmates. Here are seven reasons why:
1. Because It Would Be The Meanest Thing In The World
There are over 7 billion people in the world. The idea that there is one person out there who is perfect for you and you just have to somehow find them is like asking you to find a needle in a haystack except the hay is sadness. It just doesn't make sense to me.
2. Because People Change
People change so much. Most of my friends aren't the same person they were three years ago. I'm not. People's wants, opinions, needs, even personalities— everything shifts as time goes on. The idea of soulmates encourages you to stay with someone who may have been perfect for you at some point, but isn't necessarily for you now. If you change in the same ways, great, but the chances of that are slim.
3. Because You Can Have More Than One
As I said, that feeing of love isn't unique. But the idea of a soulmate makes it sound like you're only have that one person to be with forever. Maybe you have one perfect person for one time of your life and another perfect person for another. If you're not obsessed with the idea of "soulmate" you'll see that isn't any less special.
4. Because Not Everyone Is Looking For Love
Not everyone wants to be paired up for eternity.There are people who are aromatic, who don't experience romantic attraction. And, there are plenty of people who don't want to be with one person for the rest of their lives. The idea of soulmates and pairing off doesn't just not include these people, it makes their choices seem somehow less-than. I'm not on board with that.
5. Because It Puts Way Too Much Pressure On One Person
The idea of soulmates suggests that you get everything you need from one person, it's the "The One" mentality. But this is a relatively new phenomenon— the idea that your romantic partner is your everything partner didn't always exist, and it doesn't seem very fair to me. In fact, it seems unrealistic and like you're setting yourself up for a let down.
6. Because We Should Be Our Own "Soulmate"
The idea of finding completion, our other halves— all of that somehow makes us seem like we're incomplete. And if you're waiting for someone to come around and be your other half, you abscond responsibility, and give yourself permission not to grow as a person. But if you insist on completing yourself, being everything you need, then you'll be a lot happier, and you'll be in a better position for love when it does come along.
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