The 12 Weirdest 'Bachelor' Goodbyes Will Make You Glad Your Own Breakups Aren't Captured On National TV
The (kind of offensive) saying goes, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but women are not the only ones who sometimes don't take rejection lightly. Over almost 20 seasons, audiences have paid rapt attention to men and women putting their hearts on the line and looking for love on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, and as anyone who has ever dated knows, sometimes love hurts. When you're emotionally wounded on national television, sometimes you have to deliver one of the best limo exit interviews in Bachelor history.
Though the show is infamous for its showcase of weird first impressions via the dramatic exit from a limousine, that same vehicle is also a certified confession box. After a contestant has been eliminated during a rose ceremony, the backseat of the limo becomes their safe space to weep, ponder, drink heavily, or if you're Nick from Kaitlyn's season, toss your recently purchased jewelry on the floor. With Ben Higgins' season of The Bachelor finally here, I am admittedly a little bit looking forward to the free-flowing heartbreak that occurs behind those tinted windows. It's raw emotion, chopped and edited by Bachelor producers. What could be better? Here's a look back at the 12 strangest things contestants have said after being eliminated.
12. "I Don't Know How Many Times You Have To Put Your Heart Out There" — Britt, The Bachelorette Season 11
Oh, Britt, I love a sodden cry in the back of a limo as much as anyone, but methinks these tears may be of the crocodile persuasion. She's looks so upset in this ABC clip where she talks about Kaitlyn being picked to be the Bachelorette by "the majority of guys" because Britt really felt like she met some wonderful people that want the same thing she does. Is that why you're on a show that's intrinsically designed to murder your feelings? Lmk.
11. “Good Things Don’t End Unless They End Badly.” — Ben Flajnik, The Bachelorette Season 7
After floppy-haired Ben was ousted by Bachelorette Ashley Hebert, the dumbfounded winemaker tried his best to make sense of what had just happened (as seen in this clip from People.com), and ended up just confusing himself more. Though I think his mantric mutterings might look great in the middle of a fortune cookie, what they really meant was that he was going to end up being the next Bachelor.
10. "Get The F*ck Out" — Emily, The Bachelorette Season 8
Though this isn't so much what the eliminated said so much as the... eliminatee, but I think that this one deserves a special shoutout. This incredible clip showcases Kalon McMahon, luxury brand representative, who rudely described Emily Maynard's daughter as "baggage," and discovered the consequences of those actions. The single mother left nothing back as she went "West Virginia backwoods hood rat on his a**," stating lightly her desire to "rip off his limbs and beat him with them."
9. "I Should Have F*cked Her Brains Out." — Joe Bailey, Bachelor In Paradise
Joe Bailey was already infamous for acting like a super douche while Bachelorette Kaitlyn graciously tried to walk away from him, but when Samantha Steffen tried to end things with him on the Bachelor in Paradise, he delivered this gross lament. Is anyone even surprised, though?
8. *Various Drunken Slurs* — Ryan M., The Bachelorette Season 11
Contestants on The Bachelor/Bachelorette are not known to be teetotalers, but this young man really took it to the next level. Playing the worst version of your drunk uncle at Thanskgiving, you can see in the clip how Ryan managed to spend the premiere getting wasted, slapping Kaitlyn's ass, and making a rape joke. Luckily, Chris Harrison stepped in and sent him away in a white van — a deserved dishonorable discharge.
7. “Good Luck. If Things Don’t Work Out, Call Me.” — Lindzi, The Bachelor Season 16
As seen in the People magazine compilation, Lindzi is just trying to save face and cover her bases at the same time. Albeit a slightly presumptuous send-off, Lindzi wasn't remiss to say this after Ben F. unceremoniously dumped her for the season's mean girl, Courtney.
6. "She's Here, I Am Here." — Kelsey, The Bachelor Season 19
Kelsey Poe went from being my favorite contestant on Chris Soules' season of The Bachelor to the one that I most frequently have nightmares about. Though she was a grieving widow, it seemed that she was leveraging her "awesome" story to gain empathy from Chris, and a leg up over her competition. After being eliminated alongside Ashley I. in this episode featured on ABC.com, Kelsey chose to deride Ashley, saying that she was "unladylike." How about examining why Chris didn't want to be with you, instead of attacking your fellow women? Just a thought, Kelsey.
5. "I Feel Nothing. I Am Who I Am. I’m Not Worried About Me. [Owl Noises]" — Ashley S., The Bachelor Season 19
The reason this was the weirdest was because of the unnatural normalcy of it. This recap by The Cut covers all of Ashley S.'s abnormal behavior, including when she declared a pomegranate an onion, and saw herself as some sort of proxy for otherworldly beings in "Mesa Verde," so her deadpanned, uncaring goodbye sounded the strangest of all.
4. "I'm Glad I Didn't Pick Her!" — Juan Pablo, The Bachelor Season 18
After Clare Crawley was rejected by Bachelor Juan Pablo Galavis on national television, she had the gall to retort that she would never want someone like him to be the father of her children. That’s not the weird part here — Juan Pablo’s response was, "Whew, I'm Glad I Didn't Pick Her!" as if he's the one who dodged the bullet there. Right.
3. "I Feel Like I'm Being Punished For Being An Intellectual" — Ian, The Bachelorette Season 11
Talk about someone who needed to check their privilege at the limo door. After Kaitlyn jilted Ivy-League-educated Ian, he derided her ability as the Bachelorette, and proclaimed himself as the next Bachelor frontrunner. If he were so smart, he would have realized that he sounded like a d-bag on national television.
2. "I'm The Only Guy In Bachelor History To Make It To The Top Four With A Girlfriend." — Wes, The Bachelorette Season 5
Seemingly benign Texan musician Wes Hayden really threw Bachelorette Jillian Harris and the audience for a loop with his confessional exit interview, as seen in the clip above. While swilling whiskey like he was effing Ernest Hemingway, Wes admitted that he could "finally stop acting" and went on to proclaim his excitement for a night out in Spain. It seemed that Wes was only on The Bachelorette to promote his burgeoning country music career, giving a bad name to lonely-hearted cowboys everywhere.
1. "These Are Good Tissues." — Jimmy Kimmel, The Bachelor Season 19
After his episodic stint on The Bachelor, Chris Harrison sent Kimmel packing, prodding him to sob, "I knew him for four daaaaays" in the backseat of the limo, as pictured in the clip above. You are all of us during a breakup, Jimmy Kimmel.
Images: ABC; Giphy (7)