In a romantic relationship, you expect your partner to love you, support you, respect you, and be loyal to you, along with many other things. Most of us have high standards for the special people in our lives. And, we should. But why do we often not have the same high standards for our non-romantic relationships? I see it all the time — a girl would never let her partner talk rudely to her, but she doesn’t even realize her BFF talks down to her constantly. When we might not give our boyfriend or girlfriend a second chance if they really messed up, we give our friends second, third, and fourth chances, and so on. People hang on to friendships, even if they are extremely toxic. I’ve seen friends stay together simply because they have been friends for so long, or because they have so much history.
It’s easy to sweep things under the rug when it comes to friendship. Having my Master’s in Counseling Psychology and practicing therapy on individuals, I’ve seen how a bad friendship can truly hurt a person. So, instead of pretending you and your bestie are similar to Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez, maybe it’s about time to reevaluate your relationship. Truth be told, if you’re feeling drained or upset by a friendship more than often, it might be time to call it quits. Here are six things you should never put up with in a friendship.
1. Talking Behind Your Back
The only way it's completely fine if your best friend is talking behind your back is if he or she is standing up for you and complimenting you. If something negative is being said behind your back, then you might want to turn your back around to face the hard truth — you need a new friend. There's a difference between venting and sh*t-talking. One involves a friend and one involves a fake friend.
2. Joking At Your Expense
Most people have that friend that always cracks jokes and has everybody in the room laughing. That's a great friend to have, especially when you need to turn that frown upside-down. However, if those jokes are constantly at your expense, it doesn't seem to be as funny. Nobody should make you feel bad, even if it's a "joke." So, if you have a friend who likes to poke fun by putting you down, it's time to put down the friendship.
3. Encouraging One-Sidedness
A friendship is like any other relationship – it needs two sides to work. If you are always asking your friend to get together, calling him or her to talk, or sending texts to chat, but your friend isn't doing the same, you're going to get real tired, real fast. Maybe, you should stop putting in so much effort and see how that friendship stays alive. If it was only there because of the effort you put in, then you're not getting what you deserve.
4. Going For A Past Partner
Everybody knows the infamous girl/guy code. Never go for a past partner of your friend. Personally, if one of my friends even looked at someone and was interested, I know he or she is off limits. Every friendship is different, but don't ever assume that it's OK without talking to your friend first. In most cases, it's probably not. If you suspect one of your friends would go for one of your exes behind your back, then he or she is not truly a good friend. And if you have a current friend who has gone for one of your exes, I'd say it's a good thing you broke up with your ex, and you should probably break up with that friend now also.
5. Discouraging You
A good friend pushes you to be the best you. He or she will make you see the light, even when all you can see is darkness. When you need a helping hand, a true friend will offer a hand before you even ask. A bad friend is one that discourages you and makes you feel as if you can't achieve your dreams. The people you surround yourself with should make you feel like you can do anything you put your mind to, not the opposite. So if your friend is discouraging, I'm going to encourage you to take a second look at that friendship.
Any bestie has told little white lies here and there. Maybe he or she has told you your outfit was "to die for" when it actually wasn't. That's a perfectly fine lie. Real lying is another story. Lying becoming a problem, mostly, because you need to be able to trust your friends. And if you have a friend who is continuously lying, then there's probably a lot more going on than you can imagine. Let me tell you the truth here, a lying friend is no friend you want to have.
A friend should treat you with love, respect, and encouragement... if they're not meeting those standards, then you can probably find a better one pretty fast.