We barely got enough instruction on vaginal sex when we were teenagers, so I doubt the majority of us are self-proclaimed experts on anal play. But anal sex is not a new thing. It's been around for a long time. We're just finally finding ways to talk about it in accessible ways.
Thankfully, we know now that anal sex doesn't have to be super painful, and that there are plenty of creative ways to lead up to it. We're pretty well-equipped with lube suggestions, foreplay advice, and even recommended exercises to get your muscles prepared. There are a few topics, though, that don't generate a lot of attention in the anal department. They're just not as sexy to talk about for whatever reason, but they're truths that we all need to hear.
Before we go on, you can never be reminded too much of the following: opening the back door is something you should be genuinely interested in, not just an act you agree to because you think it's the next step in your sexual endeavors. It's your anus, so it's your choice. Whatever you want is perfectly OK.
Should you decide you want to try it, here are seven things about anal sex nobody ever told you about.
1. Missionary Is A Very Bad Place To Start
Look, it's anatomically and physically possible, but it's not the best choice when you're first starting out. Missionary position takes the control out of your hands, and it makes it harder to maneuver around until you both find the right angle. Ultimately, that means you might experience more pain than usual. Spooning is a great alternative, as is doggy style. Play around with it and find out what suits you the best.
2. It Might Smell Weird
This is gross, which is precisely why nobody likes to talk about it, but it's a necessary topic. After all, that's the part of the body that eliminates solid waste. It's OK to be nervous about this potentially embarrassing aspect, but don't let it get you worked up. Smells are totally normal! Besides, if you're getting down and dirty with the right partner, they won't care in the slightest bit.
No matter what your nose picks up, though, don't automatically assume you're on the verge of an accident. I know, I know, we're all terrified of the prospect of poop, but it's such a small likelihood that there's no need to be wildly anxious about it.
3. Queefing Happens Down There Too
The queefs that come from your lovely butt are more, how shall we say it, pronounced than the ones from your vagina, but they're just as harmless. You and your partner might hear them mid-thrust or just as they're pulling out. That part of your body could release a loud gust of air without your consent, so be prepared. (Betcha they never taught you this in sex ed.)
4. Your Partner Might Not Be Into It
When we talk about anal preference, our focus is — and totally should be — on whether the person receiving is into it, and mutual consent. That's the first step to trying out anything adventurous in the bedroom, so we'll assume you've already checked that off the list.
However, what many of our sex gurus fail to tell us is that halfway through the act, your partner may be the one to speak up about how much they don't like it. Don't think for a second that this is your fault, or that you did something wrong. It just might not be their thing — even if they were the ones who asked for it!
5. You Might Be Sore The Next Day
There is an ominous-sounding muscle in your anus called the anal sphincter, and it's pretty stiff. It's what keeps your poop from coming out, so you'll have to forgive it for being so tightly wound. Before you engage in anal, it's important to get this muscle all loosey goosey; without coaxing it, it won't allow anything or anyone entry.
If you're a beginner, however, and you've never worked with the anal sphincter before, it might feel a bit sore after you've wrapped up your bedroom sesh. This is normal, and no cause for alarm. Of course, if the pain persists after a few days and you just feel in your gut that something isn't right, call your doctor.
6. There Could Be Blood In Your Stool Afterward
Also a gross thing, yet also a thing that needs to be talked about. Tissue in the anal passage is very sensitive, and you may face a small cut or tear if there wasn't enough lube used or things got hot and heavy. That could result in some blood in your bowel movements the following morning. Do not panic, as long as it's bright red and not coming out in large amounts. (It shouldn't be incredibly painful to poop either.) What's not good, though, is if this bleeding lasts for more than a day or two. Be in touch with a doctor if you continue to see blood in the toilet bowl.
7. It Can Get Really Funny
Seriously, don't be surprised if you end up in a tangle of giggles under the sheets. Sexual escapades may be portrayed as these serious moments in media and in porn, but remember that's all choreographed show. Real life sex usually has more human variety than that, which means you and your partner could get a real kick out of your anal play attempts. In the midst of all the lubing and maneuvering, you might find it all so funny that you don't even make it to the main act at all. So what? As long as you enjoyed whatever happened along the way.
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