It seems like every day there are new reports or products available that claim to reverse signs of aging. While some of them may work, I have to call out that they seem to be growing increasingly stranger. The unusual anti-aging treatments of today aren't always modern, either. Some of these tricks are from ancient civilizations that we've infused with modern technology so we can publicly stand together and say "NO" to wrinkles. According to an article in Marketwatch in 2014, our fear of wrinkles has manifested an anti-aging industry worth $261.9 billion. My response to that? GTFO.
My main focus for my face has always been combating acne, and I've yet to start worrying about wrinkles or gray hairs — not because I don't have them, but because wrinkles are not necessarily a sign of unhealthy skin whereas my painful cystic acne is a sign that my skin hates something about me. For women in particular, however, a youthful glow and smooth skin can seem essential for applying for certain jobs, dating, and just getting people to smile at you in the street. Which is exactly why some of these insanely peculiar anti-aging treatments exist. While I haven't put wrinkles at the forefront of my "Things To Battle In 2016" list, I couldn't help being intrigued by some myself.
Here are 11 crazy things we're doing to stop ourselves from looking our age.
1. Urine Therapy
If it's brown, flush it down and if it's yellow, let it mellow because your toilet bowl has just become a fountain of youth. According to sources at skincareihub.com, using your own morning urine for a facial will provide you with the essential nutrients your body is flushing out that could heal discoloration and skin pigmentation issues that come as we age. How delightful!
2. Breast Milk Facials
Now, I've definitely been known to put someone else's breast milk to heal acne on my face, so I can't really throw any shades at using breast milk to get rid of wrinkles. However, according to sources at CNN.com, if you don't have your own trusted source of breast milk, purchasing breast milk online can be extremely dangerous — and that goes for putting it on your face or drinking it.
3. Bee Venom Skincare
As someone allergic to bees, using bee venom to combat wrinkles sounds utterly terrifying to me. However, according to sources at Everydayhealth.com, the anti-inflammatory properties are said to temporarily firm the skin producing a more youthful look. I think I'll stick with rose essential oil...
4. Sheep Placenta Facial
My hunt for sheep milk has been hard enough, so imagine my surprise to learn that sheep placenta seems easier to come by! Apparently, you can get a sheep placenta facial at this spa for under $100, and, according to that spa, the youthful glow it brings out last for 30 days because of the nutrients in sheep's placenta. Yum!
5. Blood Facial
Don't worry, this vampire lift (made famous by Kim Kardashian) doesn't require you to smear blood all over your face, but merely inject yourself with your own blood. Ya know, normal stuff to keep wrinkles away.
6. Cryogenic Chambers
I grew up running full-speed to a car in temperatures too often below zero and whenever I go back to New Hampshire in the winter, I demand to know why the eff my parents feel the need to live in these inhumane, frigid conditions. So, the idea of being in a 6-foot-tall, sub-200 degree cryosauna chamber should terrify me. People are flocking to these cryogenic chambers for the alleged anti-aging properties the freezing temps have to offer. Sounds like a thrill-seeking adventure that I could just be up for.
7. Gold Facial
Finally, a treatment that doesn't involve a bodily fluid! Apparently a gold facial a day can keep the wrinkles away, but get ready to shell out over $1500 to get your solid gold facial like Bar Refaeli did for an authentic 24-karat-gold treatment. Fortunately, you can also just find cheaper gold face products on Amazon and hope for the best.
8. Snail Secretion
According to the Journal of Drugs and Dermatology via ABC News, snail slime and products containing this potent ingredient has significantly reduced wrinkles. Just to be clear, snail slime is the mucus that said slime naturally produces. And here I thought my friend's snail was just a boring old pet who occasionally ate too many strawberries.
9. Semen Facials
According to Huffington Post, semen contains vitamins B, C, and E along with vital nutrients for healthy skin like potassium and you can find yourself a sperm facial for a cool $250 to ease your aging woes, but I like to DIY my facials and suggest this instead: Every time you walk into a bar, the possibility of a free sperm facial are literally endless.
10. Fire Facial
Usually, when I tell people to light themselves on fire it's because I feel like being unhelpful and slightly murdery. But according to sources at the Huffington Post, there are fire facials that come with an alcohol soaked cloth that is set ablaze for "just a few seconds" is said to decrease skin sagging and wrinkles. TBH, it sounds like something I'd suggest to the 7th grade bully I still loath.
11. Sensory Deprivation Tanks
I can honestly say, I've never felt as peaceful as I have floating in a sensory deprivation tank. This meditative practice is growing in popularity for the anti-aging benefits as well and while in some states it's completely affordable it can be a pricey treatment that you can DIY in your own bath tub with a large quantity of Epsom salt. Dead skin be gone.
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