What No One Tells You About Make-up Sex

Make-up sex gets a lot of hype, and I can understand why. Under the right circumstances, make-up sex can be a fun, healthy way to move past an argument with your partner. But what no one tells you about make-up sex is this: it rarely solves anything, and it almost never lives up to it's ridiculous cinematic representations.

Don't get me wrong, make-up sex can be super hot. And, yes, if you and your partner are fighting over something stupid and trivial, (like whose turn it is to take the trash out or whether '90s Nickelodeon was cooler than '90s Disney Channel) then skipping the heartfelt apologies to literally "bang it out" instead can be both fun and effective. That said, in my limited experience, relying too much on make-up sex to smooth things over with your partner is both unhealthy and unsatisfying in the long-run.

If you and your partner use make-up sex to avoid talking about your problems, or you frequently replace apologizing for inappropriate behavior with post-fight sex sessions, then make-up sex is almost always going to disappoint you. And it just might hurt your relationship, too.

Of course, every couple is different, and I'm by no means an expert on what constitutes a healthy relationship. However, I can tell you from personal experience that make-up sex can actually really suck sometimes. Here are five things no one tells you about make-up sex.

1. It Won't Make You Forget What You Were Fighting About

Despite the lies romantic comedies will try to tell you, make-up sex does not result in selective amnesia. I mean, super hot makeup sex may momentarily distract you and your partner from what the two of you were fighting about. Hell, it may even allow you to move on from an argument for days or even weeks. It will not, however, make you forget what you were mad about.

Unless you and your partner resolved whatever issues you were fighting about before y'all got naked, all having make-up sex will do is postpone yet another fight about the same unresolved issues you guys were fighting about before hitting the sheets.

2. It's Not Always Super Hot

If you've ever had make-up sex, then it's possible you've already discovered this for yourself. If your knowledge of make-up sex is limited to movies and television, though, or if you've just been fortunate enough that all of your make-up sex experiences have been satisfying, then let me be the first to tell you that make-up sex isn't inherently hot. In fact, in my experience, sometimes make-up sex can be extremely disappointing.

If you're just having make-up sex with your partner in the hopes that it will magically fix both of your bad moods, then the chances are pretty high that neither of you are going to get your minds blown. On top of that, your lack of sexual satisfaction will probably just leave you more frustrated with each other. Which brings us to...

3. Disappointing Make-Up Sex Just Makes Everything Worse

If you and your partner put a lot of pressure on make-up sex to resolve an issue, and then the sex isn't even that good, I promise you it will only make things worse between the two of you.

When my ex and I would have make-up sex, I would illogically expect him to be less selfish in bed than he normally was, just because we were having make-up sex. More often than not though, this lead to disappointment and frustration for both of us. Half the time our make-up sex only worked to make me more angry with him. He would end up thinking we were square because we had make-up sex, but I would end up grumpier than ever from my lack of satisfaction. So, most of the time, all our make-up sex succeeded at was confusing him, pissing me off, and frustrating the both of us.

4. It Doesn't Replace An Apology

I totally understand how sometimes you can say sorry without actually saying, "sorry." That said, in my opinion, no amount of awesome foreplay or sex is going to replace an apology. I'm not saying awesome foreplay shouldn't be a part of the apology, but it's important for both you and your partner to vocalize your apologies, too.

5. It Can Develop Into An Unhealthy Habit

We've established that make-up sex isn't without merit, but if make-up sex becomes your go-to method for dealing with conflict in your relationship, then it's officially become an unhealthy habit.

Speaking as someone who hates confrontation, I know how easy it can be to choose make-up sex over talking through an issue — especially if you feel like you can't talk to your partner about anything serious without them getting upset. But if you feel like the only way you and your partner can get past an argument is by having make-up sex, then you might need to re-evaluate your relationship. Or, at the very least, try being more honest with your partner when conflict arises between the two of you. If that doesn't work, just know that no amount of make-up sex will fix your relationship if your partner is unwilling to communicate with you.

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Images: New Line Cinema, Giphy/(5)