Having a crush on someone who makes your heart flutter is fun. There’s nothing that can compare to that feeling when your crush walks into the room or when you two can’t stop talking to one another, but how do you let your crush know you're into them? Whether it’s a crush on a coworker, or a crush on a friend, you can’t seem to get your mind off them. What do you do with this healthy love obsession? The next logical step probably is to let them know you are interested. However, this is the part that's not so easy. It’s effortless to daydream about you two kissing, but it’s another story when you have to make that dream into a reality.
Putting yourself out there and letting the one you admire know you have feelings can be scary. Sometimes you are not fully ready to be that vulnerable and you’ll want to put out some feelers first. Then, when the time is right and the water is warmer you can go all in with both feet. And when you do, know that showing you appreciate them — even in a small way — can go a long way.
"We all want to feel cherished, special, seen, and loved," Licensed marriage and family therapist Christine Scott-Hudson MA MFT ATR, tells Bustle. "In order to feel happier, most of us need to feel appreciated. Let your crush know they matter to you, and how they matter."
Having my professional background in psychology and matchmaking, I know there are other ways to let someone know you want to be more than friends without directly saying it. Here are the way you can let your crush know you are feeling them.
1. Write Them A Love Note
Actions sometimes speak louder than words, so being thoughtful and showing you care will work in your favor. One easy way to show you appreciate them? Write them a love note.
"Whether you write 'I like you' in a lipstick heart on their bathroom mirror, leave a bright pink post-it on their car window, or handwrite a real love letter that you cover in heart stickers and and spray with perfume, it is nice for your crush to receive something sweet that let’s them know you have heart/eyes for them," Scott-Hudson says.
But you don't have to pour your heart out. Scott-Hudson suggests letting your personality show through in these actions too, whether you're in a silly or flirty mood.
2. Remember Little Details
Your crush will think twice when you show how much you remember about the things they say to you. Let’s say for instance your hopeful beau mentions a story of when they were little and then you bring up a detail from that story in a natural way, it will show how much you care. No matter how little the detail is, you remembering it will reveal a bigger sentiment.
3. Spend Time Together
The best way to let the person know you're interested is by spending quality time together. If they're walking over to the water cooler at work, well then you should be thirsty too, and find an opportunity to chat. Maybe you are out with a group of friends and they are the only one sitting left at the table — you should make your way over. If you want to get closer then you might have to... well, get close.
4. Body Language
Let your body do the talking. There are many ways to let them know you are crushing hard through your body language.
"Nothing indicates a romantic interest more than physical touch," professional matchmaker Michelle Fraley, MA, WPCC tells Bustle. "Brushing up against them or touching their arm or hand when talking are great ways to show you are interested."
Fraley also recommends getting closer to them physically. "Inch closer to them when seated or lean in closer while talking," Fraley says. "Also, show you want to be closer to them by placing objects, such as your phone or drink, in their physical space. Wanting to be physically close to them is a sure sign that you want to be more than just friends."
Eye contact can also go a long way. "To let your crush know you are interested, hold their gaze for at least four seconds or do a double take (glancing at them, looking away and then looking back)," Fraley says.
5. Active Listening
Sure, you can listen to your crush, but are you actively listening? Active listening involves superb eye-contact, nodding your head, and making motions that show that you are listening and interested in what they have to say.
"Ignoring other stimuli and focusing exclusively on your crush is a great way to show your crush you are interested," Fraley says. "Avoid checking your phone and stay engaged in the conversation and on them rather than scanning the room or placing your attention elsewhere."
If you are looking at how many Instagram likes you are getting on your latest pic, or scrolling through your FB feed while your hopefully-soon-to-be lover is chatting with you, they're not going to think you're interested. Actively listen and your crush will be more likely to notice you're interested.
Dating coach Bobbi Palmer, founder of Date Like a Grownup, says a good way to let someone you like know that you're into them is through a compliment. "Anything from 'you have the greatest eyes' to laughing at their jokes," Palmer tells Bustle. After a couple of praises, your crush might start thinking if these are friendly compliments or something more.
7. Tell Their Friend
One way to indirectly tell someone you are attracted to them is by using a third party. In this case, dropping a little hint to their friend is a good and sneaky approach to letting the cat out of the bag. Because, of course, you know that their bestie will say something and then your secret is out there. In the next couple of weeks after you let out your secret, you will have a good idea if your crush is feeling the same way — either they will drop little hints too or you might see this person a little less. At least you know in the end!
Drop these little hints with your crush and see if something starts to blossom.
This piece was originally published on Feb 2, 2016. It was updated on June 28 2019.
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