True love. It's bliss. Well, until it isn't. Eventually the bubble breaks, the honeymoon ends, and you enter the stage of your relationship where you actually can get enough of each other. Spending too much time together is a real recipe for disaster. You get cabin fever. Someone makes a joke that's not really a joke. You get irritated, and before you know it, it's argument central.
Or, instead of getting on each other's nerves, you become that super annoying couple who does everything together, finishes each other's sentences and can't live without each other for three seconds.
All jest aside, spending too much time together is not healthy. As a Domestic Violence Victim Advocate and Planned Parenthood Certified Sexuality Educator, I worked with couples who spent every second together because one partner controlled the other, or because they were in some kind of codependent symbiosis.
The only person who should be at the center of your universe is you. Putting too much stock (and too much of yourself) into your relationships subtracts from your individual identity. You have to find a balance between being you and being you in a relationship. If you're spending too much time together, some of these signs will resonate with you.
1. Your Friends Start Referring To You As One Person
It's probably common after a while for your friends and family to invite you as a couple to things, and to talk about you as a couple instead of individuals. But when they only do this, it might be a sign that you spend too much time together. Your circle of people should be able to talk to just you and hang out with just you from time to time. In fact, they probably want and miss that.
2. You Hate The Way Your Partner Breathes
If you find yourself getting mad at or irritated with your partner for no reason, it could just be that you've spent too much time together. Couples need time apart to appreciate time together. It's that whole cliched (but true) saying that there can be no rainbow without the rain. If you start to think that you're going to have a rage seizure next time your partner sneezes, it might be time to recharge and refresh with a little distance.
3. You Forgot To Pay Your Electric Bill
Have you fallen behind on your homework? Housework? Is your dog neglected? Are you sucking at work? Relationships are distracting, especially new ones. Sometimes that's good and exciting. Sometimes you come home to a dark house and an angry landlord. You can't let yourself get too caught up and distracted by a relationship that you forget to take care of yourself and your life. If you've been slacking in other areas, it's worth thinking about if you're in too deep in your relationship.
4. You Don't Know What To Do When They're Not Around
You have to have alone time. You just do. If you're so used to being with your partner 24/7 that when they go to the grocery store without you, all you do is stare at your phone waiting for a text from them, you might need to take a step back. Absence truly does make the heart go fonder. Plus, it's easier to process your feelings about someone or something when you're away from them instead of immersed in the act of being with them.
5. You're Getting Shade From Your Bestie
If your bestie is throwing you mad side eye when you see her, or dropping cryptic Facebook posts about never seeing you, odds are she's not just being jealous. She probably missed you. Sure, your bestie has to adjust to you being in a relationship, but she shouldn't have to plan a funeral for your friendship. If this sounds like your bestie, take a good hard look at your life and make sure you're being fair in who you spend your time with. .
6. You Text Each Other From The Bathroom
There's close and then there's close. You know your relationship has passed the state of healthy and veered into co-dependent territory when you're even texting from the bathroom. I'm not talking about being funny, or texting your partner to bring you more toilet paper or sharing something because you were on Facebook. I'm talking about you already starting to feel that pull of longing, like you can't live without some kind of connection, even for as long as it takes to pee. So, to recap, texting from the bathroom? OK. Having to text from the bathroom? Too much.
7. You Quit Other Activities To Hang Out
There are two ways this can come to pass, and neither are good. The first is that you quit school, work, dance class, cheer leading, volunteering or any of your hobbies and commitments because your partner makes you. They want to keep tabs on you, they get jealous when you're with other people, they think you do too much, etc. The second is when you quit what you're doing (of your own accord) because you would rather be with your partner. Re-prioritizing a few things is fine, but giving up too much of you to become an us isn't healthy.
Maintaining an individual identity and feeling free to be alone or to go out without your partner are all crucial parts of a healthy relationship. Never forget to do you.