It should go without saying that movies are movies and real life is real life. We are not living in a rom com, but actually, a tangible world where actual things with proper consequences happen. But still, sometimes we go a bit batty and imagine ourselves living in movie world rather than the real one. For instance: have you ever made an epic speech to someone in your head? You know the kind of speech. A grand, sweeping speech full of hyperbole that you would never actually articulate in real life because real life conversations are emotional, messy, and seeking practicality over monolithic statements. And yet. We all have these speeches locked inside us, never to be shared, except with ourselves, in the prison of our mind's own fake rom com making.
As a fan of rom coms and The Mindy Project , I can see why it's appealing to want those big romantic moments in your relationship. They're breathtaking. And sometimes, very surreal, romantic things do happen to you, and it seems like the movies might be bleeding into your own real life. But at the same time, in the real world, those things simply aren't, well, realistic. They're not sustainable. There's no good way to act like you're in a rom com all the time. Sure, maybe a kiss at the top of the Empire State Building will tickle your rom com bone, but expecting that to be the norm in your every day relationship is seriously deluded, and damaging to your relationship because your expectations will never live up to your reality. Here are some rom com habits you should not allow in your real life relationships:
In many rom com scenarios, one way to "get the girl" is to stalk her until she goes out with you. Romantic, right? If someone wont leave you alone after you've expressed wanting to be alone, wether that person is a suitor or your S.O., that's not healthy. Your real life relationships should respect your boundaries, not Lloyd Doobler you into submission.
2. Apologies With Grand Gestures
In your romantic relationship, you're going to fight. Someone hurts the other, and emotions ensue. You should get over this with honesty and conversation. Not a giant song and dance that heals everything without the issue actually being addressed. Don't get into the habit of forgetting conflict for romantic gestures. The most romantic gesture in real life? Conversation and compromise.
3. Ditching An Important Career Moment For A Less Important Relationship One
Nothing makes me madder than in The Devil Wears Prada when Anne Hathaway gives up a dream career because her boyfriend has a tantrum because she had to work late on his birthday. I mean, I get it. That stinks. But work happens, and when you're just trying to make your way in the world, sometimes it might get in the way of your relationship. That doesn't mean you can't do that relationship stuff. It just might be postponed a few hours, or a day. And that's OK. Don't fall into the trap of putting your life on hold to service your relationship. Yes, there will be times when your partner comes first, but there will also be times when you need to do stuff for you too.
4. Strange, Sterile, Picture Perfect Sex
Real talk: sex is pretty ugly, at least when it's good. Getting into the habit of putting the aesthetic of sex before the feeling of sex, because it looks good in the movies, isn't going to do much to service your orgasm. Sex is a sweaty mess where pubes and chest hairs get in your mouth and everyone is making weird noises and strange faces. I mean, every so often it's nice to do it in front of a mirror — just because it looks ugly doesn't mean it doesn't look sexy. But if you're in the habit of trying to make sex look picturesque, in catalogue-ready locations, with perfect makeup and expensive lingerie every time you have sex, the effort of all those accoutrements is going to wind up detracting from the wonderful messy spontaneity of getting horny and doing it. Sex isn't supposed to look like a moving renaissance painting, no matter how much you might want your love making to emulate what you see on screen.
5. Assuming Casual Hookups Will Lead To Marriage
Sometimes your casual hookup will end up being your one and only. But that's a rarity. More often than not, a casual hook up is a casual hookup. If you're in the habit of being disappointed every time a casual hookup doesn't fall madly in love with you (the way it happens in the movies), then you're in for a world of constant disappointment. Sorry, friend.
6. Falling In Love With Someone You Don't Even Know
Love at first sight/email/sound is romantic. But you can't love someone without getting to know them, at least a little bit, in person, first. You can't fall in love with someone by exchanging a few emails. You might fall in love with the version of themselves they're typing and editing for you, but the person themselves is a totally different thing. In reality, you might meet people you're instantly crazy about — but that doesn't mean you should love them after one interaction, the way so often happens in movies. There's rarely a happy ending in those cases, despite what the movies are selling.