Lindsay Lohan Lost Half of a $75,000 Fur Coat, So We Decided to help her find the other half
Lindsay Lohan has found herself tangled up in yet another fur coat debacle. Lindsay Lohan? More like Lindsay Coat-han, amirite? (Enghhhh.) But this time around, she’s the one with the M.I.A. outerwear. According to TMZ, Lohan says she's missing part of her $75,000 fur coat. Wednesday night, the actress reportedly entered 1Oak wearing the pricey two-piece coat, but left with only one of the pieces. When she noticed this was the case, she went back to the nightclub to retrieve the other half, but… it was already gone. Ooh! A MYSTERY.
It should be noted that 1Oak is the very same club where Lohan walked out with someone else’s fur coat back in 2008. Is this an example of irony? Full circle? Bildungsroman? I'm sure there's an appropriate lit term somewhere out there...
Per TMZ, Lohan contacted everyone who was at her 1Oak table about the coat. No one had any info to give her, unfortunately. The only person from her table who she has not been able to get ahold of is a Seattle Seahawks player. Hm. Okay? Interesting detail, TMZ, but I'm going to call it a "red herring."
I have a few questions...
What does a two-piece fur coat involve, exactly? “Two pieces, numb nuts.” I understand that, but like, why would a fur coat have more than one piece? Is that common?
Also, how is the coat split up? Is one part an around-the-shoulders sleeves piece and the other part a giant vest-type thing? Did she walk out the club wearing only fur sleeves, get to the car and think, Oh, shit! I’m missing my giant vest-type thing?
Wait. does the bottom half of the coat zip off? Is it a convertible fur coat? Can it transform from a caplet into a floor-length coat? Oh my god. The detachable part would be like a big fur blanket. How convenient!
Given that I know next to nothing about fur outerwear, I did some research. I googled “two-piece fur coat” and found: wool coats with detachable fur collars, wool and fur coats with removable caplet pieces, and coats with belts. Sadly, I didn't see any blanket plus cape situations. Samsonite! I was way off.
Why am I so hung up on what the missing coat half looks like? Well, because I’ve been working on a “LOST” flyer for Lohan and I wanted to include a detailed description! I figured she could print off a bunch of copies and hang them up around town. Here's what I've come up with (and yes, I did write it from LiLo's P.O.V.):
LOST—Part of Fur Coat
LOOKS LIKE: Uh…? It looks like part of a fur coat. I don’t know how to describe it. You’ll know if if you see it.
LAST SEEN: 1Oak, Jan. 29, time unknown (I probably got to the club at like, 10:30 p.m.? I wasn't wearing a watch, so I don't know the exact time), at my table.
I was wearing a two-piece fur coat. I left 1Oak wearing only one of the pieces. I know, I know. “Who walks out of a club wearing half of a coat?” I did, okay? Please don’t lecture me about it.
I went back to the club and looked around for the missing coat half. No dice. Called everyone I was with for deets. No deets to be had. No one had seen the coat half. I was—and am—very upset.
If you took my coat half, please return it. I won’t cause any trouble. I've been there. All I ask is that you kindly give it back to me in one coat half piece. I love the coat. It cost me a cool $75K, so it'd suck to replace. Yes, I'm a celeb, but a $75K coat is still a $75K coat. And no, I can't buy another coat half. SHEESH.Like I said, I've been there. I’ve accidentally walked out of a club with someone else’s coat before. I was sued for it. It blew. It was totally embarrassing. I’m only human, you know? So what? I accidentally took a coat. Worse things have happened. Don’t believe me? Look at my track record.
To the Seattle Seahawks player sitting at our table (I’m not going to name names. You know who you are. I don't want to create more drama than necessary. Also, happy Super Bowl!): could you give me a call? I just want to make sure you didn’t accidentally grab the coat half/I want check if you have any deets regarding the coat half’s whereabouts. That’s all. I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m simply doing my best sleuth work. Did you see me in Get a Clue ? I made a great detective.
REWARD: T.B.D. It'll be awesome, I promise!!!! (But don't get too excited. A limit does exist.)
CONTACT: Tweet at me any info (no, I’m not giving you my cell number). If you have the coat half, bring it to 1Oak. They’ll let me know. I’ll pick it up there.
XO, Lindsay Lohan