Don't let anyone tell you any differently: Troop Beverly Hills is a cinematic masterpiece,. Though the film shared its premiere with the year of Taylor Swift's birth, its 1989 debut was no less triumphant: After all, it launched the careers of then-child actresses Carla Gugino and Jenny Lewis, and positioned itself as an unforgettable part of modern pop culture. It's because of this that, honestly, I can't stop watching this film — it's on permanent rotation in my DVD player, and when it's on TV, well... nothing else is getting done for at least the next two hours, I'll say that. It's worth it, though — this movie is pure brilliance.
Aside from lending its indelible likeness to Kim Kardashian's baby shower theme and Melissa McCarthy's latest film, The Boss, it's still culturally revered today on its own for its campy, light-hearted take on splashy SoCal aerobics culture and all things '80s excess. From the specially-written Beach Boys song, "Make It Big," playing during the opening credits' sequence to the very last scene including Phyllis and Rosa leading their troop of spoiled misfits to victory in the Wilderness Girls Jamboree, the film is nothing less than a walk in the park. Or down Rodeo Drive. Here's 11 other reasons why, tbh, I've seen TBH approximately 37 times. (See what I did there? Acronyms are fun!)
1. The Outfits Are So '80s-tastic (Duh)
Lest we forget this "Hot-Glue-Gunned Marzipan Picnic Shelter" treasure.
2. The One-Liners Are Flawless And Quotable In Most Life Situations
Or, my personal favorite, "I wasn't 'spying on dad.' I was checking my azaleas."
3. It Doesn't Dumb Down Its Younger Characters — The Girls Are Smarter And More Sensible Than The Adults
This is a criticism I have about a lot of movies — the younger characters are dumbed down a substantial amount, despite the fact that, in reality, kids are actually pretty smart. TBH recognized that, and ensured every child character was just as sensible and smart as the adults in the film — if not moreso.
4. "The Freddie"
Don't even try to tell me you didn't want to learn this when you saw the movie as a kid.
5. Their Method Of Selling Cookies Was Genius
Honestly, I think it's only beat by the real Girl Scout troop that used photos of Leonardo DiCaprio eating Girl Scout Cookies at the Oscars in their promotional material.
6. Everything Jasmine Shakar Says Is Brilliant
Shoutout to Tasha Scott's criminally underrated performance.
7. The Glamour Is Unforgettable
I've never seen a more accurate GIF to describe my behavior at Chipotle.
8. It Included So Many Important Life Lessons
Phyllis Nefler, you little oracle.
9. Every Second At The Beverly Hills Hotel Is Amazing
Especially this exchange:
Tessa DiBlasio: [Stomping out Phyllis's cigarette ash] Mrs. Nefler! We're above the fire line! And you shouldn't smoke, it's bad for you. And it conceals neurosis you should deal with yourself.
Lily Marcigan: Smokey Bear says, "Only you can prevent forest fires."
Phyllis: Well, Smokey Bear isn't going through a horribly mess divorce!
10. Phyllis Dragging Her White Fur Coat Through The Mud Remains One Of The Best Scenes In Modern Movie History
Who's to say that's not how you "wilderness"?
11. Every Single "Brilliant" Mention Of Jewelry
Like, say, this one:
Phyllis: Oh, what glorious patches!
Jamie: Thank you, ma'am.
Phyllis: Where can I buy them?
Cleo: Ma'am, you don't buy them, you earn them.
Phyllis: Oh! Like jewelry!
Here's to Troop 332. May a television reboot revive you ASAP.
Images: Giphy (10)