If you struggle with online dating or have ever wondered how to use OkCupid or other dating apps/sites to your best advantage, new research from OkCupid gives women a massive insight. And it's all about the messaging.
For some reason, women are still really hesitant to send the first message on online dating. It's a probably just a big old sexist hangup that won't seem to die. Despite only 17 percent of women still thinking the men should pay on a first date (a tradition I wish would just disappear), we're less progressive when it comes to online correspondence.
In fact, according to the latest report from OkCupid's The Deep End, men send 3.5 times more first messages than women. That's of those who identify as straight. With the gay and lesbian community it's way more even (obviously, it has to be) and even among those who identify as bisexual. But straight ladies are still just waiting to be approached online.
Maybe that doesn't seem like a big deal. I mean, if men are sending all those messages then straight women are getting approached anyway, right? Well, sort of. But it turns out women who message first are not only more likely to get replies, they're more likely to get hotter dudes — seriously.
I know that seems like a bit of a leap, but it's true — science says so. SCIENCE. Take a look at the stats and see for yourself:
1. No Matter How Many Messages They Receive, Or How Hot They Are, Women Still Don't Message
Interestingly, OkCupid wanted to see if women who didn't receive many messages were more likely to message— nope. They also looked at their attractiveness rating (yup, the profiles are rated) to see if that affected it— nope again. According to the report: "Women rarely reach out, no matter their circumstances." Weird.
2. People Message Above Their Hotness Level
Really. Like a lot. They analyzed the type of people that users send messages to and found that "men are reaching out to women 17 percentile points more attractive, and women contact men who are 10 percentile points more attractive."
So what does that mean? If you're waiting around to be messaged, you're going to be messaged by people who are less attractive than you are, and way less attractive than the people you would be messaging.
3. And Messages Women Send End Up In First Dates WAY More Frequently
But here's the great news: if you do send messages to those uber-attractive people, you're way more likely to end up on a date with them than with some random dude that messages you. When women send the first message they end up with dates 30 percent of the time, compared to 12 percent of the time when guys message first (again, talking about straight people here). Plus, you don't have to wade through some of the weird, weird messages you get on OKCupid looking for the good ones — you make the good ones.
So basically, you've got nothing to lose. If you choose to send a message you're more likely to end up with a date and it'll be with a more attractive prospect. Why wait? As the report says:
If you’re a woman on OkCupid, you’re at an incredible advantage. You should message men you find attractive — not just because they’re easy on the eye, but because you’re more likely to have something to talk about. You’ll increase your quantity of quality. As for men, it’s worth noting that they’ll probably enjoy getting more messages.
The odds are in your favor. What’s the worst that could happen? You message a cute guy and don’t get an answer. What’s the best? That’s between you and your date.
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