A Super Computer Read 'Harry Potter' & Determined Hermione Is More Assertive Than Voldemort

Anyone who has read a single line about Hermione Granger knows that she is a force to be reckoned with, but just in case you need any further proof, technology can back us up. Apparently when a supercomputer read Harry Potter, it determined that Hermione is more assertive than Voldemort himself. In other world, WHO RUN THIS MOTHER? (HERMIONE.)

These findings were brought to us by IBM super computer Watson (no relation to the Watsons of the Emma variety, alas), and even though it's a non-sentient, artificially intelligent creation, I would like to offer it the highest honor I can in the form of an Internet fist bump. Watson has gained notoriety in the past for taking on human competitors in Jeopardy, but one of its latest missions included reading both the entirety of the Harry Potter books and screenplays in an effort to detect the main differences between the two versions. While it was poking around the Potter-verse, it also was able to analyze the personality behind the text — according to Tech Insider, Watson is capable of identifying emotions like fear, joy, confidence, and openness. Using the Big Five Personality test, the computer determined that our all-around fave Hermione was not just the whip smart, brilliant, compassionate, and brave character we all know and love, but apparently every bit as assertive as Voldy.

Fortunately, we all know that Hermione will use that assertiveness for good, and not a genocidal wipeout of non-pureblood wizards that for some reason involves losing her nose.

So what else did Watson find? Using the same principles it did to analyze Hermione's personality, it also discovered that Neville and Voldemort are very similar in presentation as well — they both score low on openness and score high on neuroticism. I'm personally more curious as to how similar Neville and Peter Pettigrew scored, because I always thought of them as parallel characters who took very different paths — both of them being awkward, talented wizards that were overlooked by most people, but managed to find a close group of friends — but alas, Watson was probs too busy to oblige.

Watson also found that Harry's level of anger was similar to Voldemort's in the books, which is fair, because most of the fifth book READS EXACTLY LIKE THIS FOR AT LEAST FOUR PAGES, IF NOT MORE. (Angst, angst, angst.) To be fair, though, if I were a boy wizard with the fate of the world inconveniently on my shoulders and a seemingly immortal madman who murdered my parents hellbent on finishing me off ... I'd be a little pissed, too.

Coming as a surprise to absolutely nobody, Watson also gave us definitive proof that the Weasleys were shortchanged in the movies. Ron provides a lot more comic relief in the movies than he does in the books, which I always thought gave his character a lot less dimension; Ginny, too, scored significantly lower on gregariousness and intellect in the movies than she did in the books.

I'd rant more about the incredible miscarriage of justice that is Ginny's scripted role in the movies, but you would be six years older when I was finished, so I'll just leave it at that. #Bless you, Watson, for science-ing the bejeezus out of our magical world.

Images: Warner Bros; Giphy