If you're one of those people who gets their relationship advice from the lyrics of pop songs — and aren't we all? — may I humbly suggest that you skip over the lyrics to Rihanna's song "Kiss It Better" in your quest for guidance through your romantic universe? I can tell you right now that it's probably for the best. As much we've all learned from her in the past, with insightful words of wisdom like "cake cake cake cake cake cake cake" that have saved countless relationships from desolation — kidding, of course, as Rihanna is actually an unapologetic badass — "Kiss It Better" seems to be a song pretty much specifically designed to get you in trouble with your significant other. That is, if you follow the song's instructions.
Whoever the friend is at the party that sees you drunkenly pulling out your phone to send out a "u up?" text, Rihanna is essentially the opposite of that person in this song. She's the one who rolls into the party and goes, "Who wants to make some mistakes and really live life?" and then group texts everyone in your phone asking for sexy pictures. She loves drama in this song, and she's gonna get what she wants no matter what. Do yourself a favor and steer clear of these eight pieces of relationship advice she's offering up in "Kiss It Better."
1. "Been Waitin' On That Sunshine, Boy... No One Else Gon' Get It Like That"
Comparing your lovers to each other is a bad idea in general. Down that road lies only disappointment and arguments.
2. "So Why Argue? You Yell, But You Take Me Back"
I can think of a lot of reasons to argue with this, and I hope you can too.
3. "Who Cares When It Feels Like Crack? You Know That You Always Do It Right"
I think this might be the "Bella, you're like my own personal brand of heroin" of our generation. It wasn't romantic when Edward Cullen said it either.
4. "Man, F*ck Your Pride. Just Take It On Back, Boy"
Don't take it on back, guys. Especially not if you have to swallow your pride to do it.
5. "It Hurts Inside When I Look You In Your Eye"
I know that they say love is pain, but this seems a little excessive.
6. "Tell Me What You're Willing To Do"
Technically, this sounds less like bad advice and more like something someone might send you on Tinder, but that doesn't make it, you know, a good thing to send to anyone on Tinder.
7. "I've Been Waitin' Up All Night. Tell Me What's Wrong?"
You shouldn't make your significant other wait up all night to find out what's on your mind. I mean, that's just a given. Didn't you hear Justin Bieber? Be more straightforward.
8. "Kiss It Better, Baby"
A kiss doesn't fix everything. Although, to be fair, if it's a kiss from Rihanna, I can understand why you might think so.
"Kiss It Better" might not be the romantic anthem that it sounds like it would be from the title of the song, but it's got a catchy beat that we can all jive to at least. And it's also got a steamy music video that will confuse you and titillate you simultaneously, in true Bad Girl Rhi Rhi style.
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