We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. Please send your sex and relationship inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org. Now, onto today's topic: how to have multiple orgasms.
Q: “For years, I thought I was never going to be able to have an orgasm. My 2016 resolution was to learn how to orgasm on my own. After a lot of practice and experimentation, I finally did it! I’m super excited about my newfound orgasmic possibilities. Now I’m interested in taking it a step further and trying to have multiple orgasms (I know, I’m greedy, haha!). Any techniques for having more than one orgasm?"
A: Thanks for the question, and congrats on learning how to have your first orgasm! Now that you’ve had a taste of what orgasms can be like, I don’t blame you for wanting to have even more. (Of course, you have to also be wary of not putting any performance pressure on yourself.)
Just like the path to orgasm varies greatly from woman to woman, the path to multiple orgasms is also different. Some women can have a second orgasm by doing the exact same thing they did to have their first orgasm. Other women need modifications to their approach. Plus, the experience of multiple orgasms can feel different, depending on the woman and the session. Here are eight tips for finding the right strategy to have multiple orgasms.
1. Give Yourself A Quick Break
One of the first things to figure out is what your body needs immediately after your first orgasm — mainly, whether or not you need to give yourself a brief cooling-off period. The clitoris can be really sensitive after an orgasm. Sometimes the clitoris even feels painful if you try to touch it right after you’ve climaxed.
You may or may not already have a sense of how your body responds post-orgasm. If you’re not sure, the next time you have an orgasm, try to very gently touch your clitoris. If it feels uncomfortable or painful, give yourself about a minute, then try again. If it’s still sensitive, give yourself another minute. Keep repeating until you get a sense of how long of a break your clitoris needs post-orgasm.
2. ... Or Maintain Some Contact
On the other hand, your clitoris may not need any rest. If your clitoris doesn’t feel that sensitive after an orgasm, you may find it useful to try to stay in contact with it. If you enjoy direct stimulation, stroke your clitoris slowly and gently, maintaining a consistent pace and pressure. You’re not trying to make yourself orgasm right away; think of this more as a holding pattern.
If the direct contact is too much, you can try indirect touch instead. Try holding your labia together and exerting a small amount of pressure against your clitoris. You’re not touching the clitoris directly, but still stimulating it. Or try holding your entire hand over your vulva and maintaining some pressure.
3. Warm Yourself Up Again
Your arousal levels naturally fall after an orgasm. The body is meant to go through a recovery phase. Fortunately, unlike men, who need anywhere from 15 minutes to many hours to get hard again, we women can be ready to go in just a few minutes. After you’ve taken a break or spent some time with gentle touch or pressure, you can start trying to work yourself back up to your second orgasm. Keep taking your time though. Spend a few minutes stroking your labia, playing with your vaginal opening, or circling around your clitoral hood.
4. Try Your Usual Routine
The next factor to determine is whether or not your usual technique is going to work to help you reach orgasm again. Some women can do exactly what they did the first time, while other women need to change their approach.
As your first experiment, try to use the same combination of fingers, stroke, and pressure that you usually do when you’re masturbating. See how your body responds. If this feels pleasurable, keep going for as long as it feels good. You may have to try several times before having a second orgasm. I’m sure that when you were trying to learn how to orgasm the first time around, you had many practice sessions that didn’t result in an orgasm. Try to have the same level of patience here.
5. ... Or Experiment With New Things
If doing the same thing doesn’t feel pleasurable or doesn’t seem to be working, you may need to alter your technique. What your body may have liked pre-orgasm may not be the same as what your body likes post-orgasm.
For example, some women are really sensitive after an orgasm, and can only stand the lightest of touches. Other women require even more pressure than before to push themselves close to the edge again. Experiment with different strokes, different levels of pressure, and different numbers of fingers. Try direct clitoral contact and indirect. Let what feels pleasurable serve as your guide. Again, recall what it was like to experiment when you were first learning how to orgasm. This exploration can require some patience on your behalf, but if you’re at least experiencing pleasure, it shouldn’t feel like a chore!
6. Consider A Vibrator
Some women find that they require a lot more stimulation after having their first orgasms. If this feels like it might be the case for you, you may want to consider using a vibrator to have your second orgasm. It can help give you an intensity that your fingers aren’t capable of. Vibrators can also be nice if you’re in a post-orgasm haze and can’t muster up the energy to keep your hands moving!
7. Know That Not All Orgasms Are Created Equal
Try not to have any expectations of what your second orgasm will be like. Multiple orgasms, just like regular orgasms, can vary from woman to woman. Some women report feeling many small, rolling waves of pleasure that just keep going. Other women report feeling separate and distinct orgasms, each with their own warming up and cooling down period. It may take much longer to get to your second peak. Or it may be much shorter than the first one. The second orgasm can feel much more intense than the first. Or it can feel kind of disappointing — or your orgasms may be almost identical each time. The point is that there’s no way to know until you’ve had one, so try to keep an open mind.
8. Don’t Pressure Yourself
It’s awesome that you’ve learned how to orgasm in the first place. Seriously, congrats! Like I mentioned above, I don’t blame you for wanting to have even more orgasms. At the same time, I’ve worked with some women who have put a lot of pressure on themselves to have multiple orgasms. As you probably know, orgasms do not respond well to pressure. I’ve also worked with some women who were so focused on the second orgasm that they didn’t even enjoy the first one all that much. Don’t let your goal of having multiple orgasms take away from all of the amazing progress you’ve made thus far. If you are able to have them, that’s great! If not, you still have the first orgasm to look forward to.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.