Kids today really have no idea about some of the truly glorious things they're missing out on. There are things from the '90s kids today will never understand the true glory of. So many wonders that no longer exist! So many feelings that can't be felt! So many '90s things that have faded into nostalgia and memories that we can only try to explain to kids today, but can't expect them to ever truly get. But that doesn't mean we can't rant and rave about how great they were, and how much kids today are really going without.
Kids now seem to have everything. Smart phones, Kylie Jenner lip kits, ombre hair. But really, they don't have some of the most glorious things: the things that '90s kids had. Sure, we had our fair share of crap. Regrets that '90s kids have are just as profound as the fruits of our glory days. I mean, we did have gelled bits of hair coming out the front of our ponytails and we did wear skirts over pants, but for all the bad, there was also a lot of good. There are thoughts '90s kids have when they see kids today, and one of them is definitely "I'm sad for you that you will never know the amazingness of some of the things I have known." So here are 13 things from the '90s kids today will never understand the true glory of.
1. The Absolute Art Of Subterfuge And Espionage That Went Into Note Passing At School
When we should text or social media at each other, we passed notes. And it was a tricky practice! When we couldn't rely on the magic of Wi-Fi to connect us, we had to physically pass things we were banned from passing around, and it was a truly glorious thing when we figured out how to do so unnoticed.
2. The Basic And Overwhelming Joy Of Building Your Own Geocities Website
Sure, now everyone has a Square Space or a fancy Tumblr theme, but in the '90s, we got joy simply from arranging little pixellated gifs of flaying bats and dancing devils on a webpage that did nothing much except display little pixellated gifs of flaying bats and dancing devils.
3. That Moment Your Parents Caved And Got You The Damn Tamagotchi
Before you had to nag your folks for a cell phone, you had to nag them for a Tamagotchi, and it was absolutely wonderful when they finally gave in and got one for you.
4. The Wonder That Was "Oily" Stickers
"Oily" stickers were the best kind of stickers you could have in the '90s, and it saddens '90s kids deeply that kinds today don't seem to have the same sort of excitement for them, and sense of achievement when we bought one, as we did.
Sure, you might think dolphins are OK or whatever (or maybe you barely think about them at all), but in the '90s, dolphins were considered a truly glorious creature. The greatest creature on earth, even. And we worshipped at their altar.
6. Upgrading From A Walkman To A Discman
Sure, kids now upgrade technology, but it's kind of the same thing. You go from one smart phone to another. Imagine going from one kind of technology to a totally and completely different thing as a kid. It's mind blowing.
7. Finally Saving Enough To Go To The CD Shop And Buy Tragic Kingdom For Yourself
Kids today will never know the exquisite beauty of spending months trying to save up $30 to buy Tragic Kingdom, and then getting Tragic Kingdom, which instantly made you the coolest person ever (at least in your own mind).
8. Having The Best Gel Pens In Your Class
Small things brought us great pleasure in the '90s. We don't expect you to understand.
9. Platform Shoes With Plastic Bubbles In The Heels
Sure, some things were simple pleasures, and some were a bit more complicated. Like shoes with bubbles in the heels, or what were more commonly known as "Spice Girls shoes".
10. Covering Your Binders With Cut Outs Of Leonardo DiCaprio's Face And Not Getting A Single Bubble In The Clear Contact Paper
There was art in everything we did in the '90s, especially heartthrob worship. And it was a good year if it was one when your school books were covered in magazine cut outs of your favorite hottie and not a single bubble to be found in the protective clear contact you'd put on top.
11. Receiving An IM From Your Crush, Even If It Just Said "Sup"
IM was such a new thing in the '90s, getting a Messenger or AOL chat from your crush, even if it said nothing of much, really, was just the raddest.
12. Slapping Your Slap Band On Just Right
There was nothing worse that a slap band that didn't curl when you slapped it, or that curled askew. There was nothing better than a slap band that got slapped on just right.
13. Getting The Holographic Tazo In Your Chips
Any day you got a Tazo in your chips was a good day. Any day you got a holographic Tazo, on the other hand, was an even better day.