Not everyone has discovered their sexual interests yet. Some people either need to dig deep and explore things on their own or, if they’re fortunate enough to have a partner who’s willing to lead the way, then they get to take the easy route by getting some help. Either way, no matter how you get there, discovering parts about your sexuality that you may have never known existed is essential to living a happy and healthy sex life. When it comes to sex and two consenting adults, very few things should be off limits.
But if you’re the one in the relationship with all the know-how, who’s completely at ease in your sexuality and sexual turn-ons and turn-offs, while your partner is a wee bit late to the party, it can create issues. Not bad issues, but issues in that you want to get your partner to be on the same page as you. This doesn’t mean that you and your partner have to love all the same things in bed or share the exact same sexual interests, but it does mean that you can help open your partner's mind a little bit by showing them that there’s a lot more to sex than what they may have thought.
If your partner’s sexual interests need some expanding, here’s how to do it. But first, check out our video on sex positions to last longer in bed:
1. Have An Idea Of What You’re Into First
If you have a good idea of what you want, then it will give you and your partner a chance to expand together. If it’s just your partner who needs sexual expanding, then at least you can lead the way with what you already have as a sexual interest base.
2. Ask Them To Talk About Their Sexual Desires
Everyone, and I mean everyone has sexual fantasies, desires, and probably a little kink or two, too. But how often are we legitimately asked: “What are your sexual fantasies?” Not enough. In asking that question to your partner, you’ll be amazed by what might come pouring out of the floodgates.
3. Watch Porn Together
There is so much porn to choose from these days! If you and your partner have never watched porn together, or you haven't watched it all, then get yourself some porn and test it out. Perhaps the first thing you turn on won't be the right fit in expanding your partner’s sexual interests, but it will at least get the wheels turning in their head.
4. Introduce Them To Erotica
On the flip side of porn is erotica. Erotica is different from porn in that it tantalizes and teases without giving it all away. It’s also really hot; maybe hotter than porn, depending on your tastes. If your partner has yet to experience the glory that is erotica, then they’re about to have their mind blown. Erotica, especially written erotica, can put things in your imagination that porn just can’t.
5. Encourage Them To Talk To Their Friends
I’ve come to the realization that women talk about sex far more openly than men. So, if your partner is a woman, then you’re in luck. If your partner is a man then, well, he might need some nudging. Personally, the people who have expanded my sexual interests the most in my life are my female friends. When we get together, nothing is off limits and, even as someone who write about sex quite frequently, there’s always something to learn. In encouraging your partner to have similar conversations with their friends, their eyes may be widened the eff open.
6. Educate Them On Sex-Related Things
If you’re the one with the sexually expanded mind (and body) in the relationship, then why not educate your partner? Introduce them to what it means to be sex-positive. Show them articles that reiterate how important it is to own your sexuality and basically drown them in sex-positive media so whatever possible hesitations or hang-ups they might have will become a distant memory.
7. Invite Them To Step Out Of Their Comfort Zone
What constitutes “comfort zone,” is different for everyone. While one’s comfort zone might be challenged by having sex with the lights on, another person’s comfort zone might be broken by an all-night orgy. That being said, it’s up to you to gauge what would count for your partner as stepping outside of their comfort zone. You don’t want to push them, but rather invite them, while explaining this is part of the sexual interest expansion project.
8. Take It Slow
Once you’ve been able to get your partner to not just expand their mind, but actually make physical steps toward expanding their sexual interests, then it’s time to take it slow. You don’t go from zero to 10 with someone who just learned to drive; that’s just not how life works. Instead, ease into it and take one sexual adventure at a time. You rush it; you miss out.
Images: Andrew Zaeh/Bustle; Giphy (8)