Some friendships are built to last. Others crash and burn like torrid love affairs. As you get into your late 20s, people really start to show their colors. It’s not that they were necessarily hiding themselves from you, it’s just that the things we unintentionally hide behind, like ego and insecurity, get stripped away in our late 20s as we become more of the people we’re going to be.
During this time, you might have a few unfortunate revelations with friends — you just don’t feel the same way about them that you used to. It’s not much different than falling out of love in a relationship. And it can definitely be just as heartbreaking. One day you wake up and feel like the glow around your bestie is a little dull and the room for them in your heart is a little bit limited. Something about the way they live their lives, treat others, or treat themselves starts to feel wrong to you, or not right for you. You suddenly don't know how you became friends.
You find yourself putting them lower and lower on the priority list until you find that giving them attention feels like a sacrifice. Every friendship is so special, and it can be very hard to let go of someone who you’ve shared amazing memories with, maybe grown up with, or experienced something larger than life together. But if the love isn’t there, it’s not. It’s better to be honest about these things than live a farce. These are 12 ways to tell if you're falling out of love with a friend.
You Don’t Have Their Back
When you're spending time with other friends and your your bestie comes up, you're less likely to give her the same glowing review you usually do. It will start with a few complaints and grow from there.
You Hope They Cancel
When you make plans with your bestie, you mean it at the time, but part of you is hoping that they'll last minute cancel and you won't have to see them. You no longer look forward to spending time with them, because it feels like a responsibility.
You Ignore Their Calls
You just feel like talking less and less. When they call you either ignore it or pick it up and say you're in a rush. You have no interest in getting involved in a long conversation with them. You're too checked out.
You Always Have An Excuse
You might not realize that you're making excuses while they're happening, but chances are, you're using everything in the book to avoid committing to a plan with your bestie. You probably half-accept plans, but are sure to mention a variable that might come in the way of the plans so that you have an out if you need it.
If Something Else Comes Up, You Cancel
Because your bestie isn't your priority anymore, you don't like making plans far in advance. You find yourself only reaching out to your bestie when all else fails or nothing else is going on. And you better believe the second an opportunity comes up with someone else, you cancel on your bestie.
You Tell Your Other Friends You’re Not Close
You start dropping hints to your other friends that you and your bestie are having troubles. You don't want them to be surprised when you have a falling out, and you're also trying to brace yourself and test the reactions of others, secretly hoping they tell you they've never liked your friend so that you can feel validated.
You Find Yourself Assuring Them
Because a part of you has checked out mentally, but you're still involved in the friendship physically, you get pangs of guilt that make you overcompensate with assurance. You find yourself telling your bestie how much you love them and how important they are to you, solely out of guilt.
You Feel Guilty
Because you can't exactly put your finger on the reason why you're falling out of love with your bestie, you can't help but feel guilty. It feels so wrong to drift especially when you know you're steering it.
They’re No Longer Charming
The things you used to love about your bestie no longer have the same effects on you. You're not charmed by them anymore and it pains you to watch them interact with other people. You find yourself rolling your eyes at their behavior — even if it's no different than it was when you were still close. You're just no longer enchanted.
You’re Not Rooting For Them
It's not that you want them to fail, but when they do encounter failures, you somehow convince yourself that they deserve it in some way. You're not on their team anymore, and it suddenly feels like it's every man for themselves.
You Don’t Want To Deal With Them
In your mind, you wish they would just disappear sometimes. You don't want to deal with the discomfort of a confrontation and you don't want to live through the pain and awkwardness of ending a friendship, so you wish they'd just drift away so no intervention is necessary.
Your Answers Are Terse
Your bestie has probably asked you a few times if you're in a bad mood or mad at them and you've probably said no. Because you don't want to deal with talking about it, but you can't help but be short. The love you had for them is so far gone, it's all yeses and nos and no elaboration for you.