13 Stages Of Waiting For 'Captain America: Civil War' To Come Out
Captain America: Civil War has taken over my life. The anticipation for this year's biggest superhero movie (yes, I said it) is almost too much to take at this point, and I think I speak for all Marvel movie fans when I say, enough is enough. Thankfully, it won't be too long before Civil War is finally out in theaters, but after months and months of living teaser trailer to teaser trailer, waiting even a few more days is painful. If there's one thing Team Cap and Team Iron Man can both agree on, it's that it's time for this pain to come to an end. We all want the same thing: to see Civil War and fangirl like any sane person with feelings. And we want it now. Come on, guys, you know what I'm talking about the 13 stages of waiting for Captain America: Civil War to come out are rough.
Without delving into the dark world of spoilers, waiting for Civil War is, as Hilary Duff might say, "like waiting for rain in this drought: useless and disappointing." At least, that's what it feels like sometimes. Of course, there is light at the end of the tunnel — Captain America: Civil War will come out, and we will all get to see it. The only question is: will it come out before we go crazy with anticipation? Here's what it's like to wait for the movie's May 6 release.
1. Action: Pick A Side
When the first trailer for Civil War was released, fans were immediately confronted with a decision: would they be Team Iron Man or Team Cap? It's a crucial decision, one that could get you into fights if you're not careful. Iron Man might be the one that started the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe, but Cap is the First Avenger for a reason. (Personally, I'm Team Cap.)
2. Judgment: Judge Your Friends For Being Team Iron Man (Or Team Cap)
There's no point in picking a side if you're not going to make fun of your friends who pick wrong. Besides, judging others helps pass the time until the movie actually comes out. Or it did, at least in the beginning.
3. Marathoning: Watch All The Trailers — Repeatedly
If you haven't watched every trailer at least five times, I can't trust you. The short clip of the fight between Cap, Winter Soldier and Iron Man requires multiple viewings alone. And what about Spider-Man's first appearance? I mean, come on, people.
4. Reflection: Watch Old Marvel Movies To Prepare
Once you've exhausted all of the trailers (there's only so many times one can watch Iron Man and Cap stare at each other on an empty airport strip), you have no choice but to go back to past Marvel movies to fill the void. Haven't seen Captain America: The Winter Soldier in a while? Now might be the perfect time to catch up. (Avengers: Age of Ultron should also on your watchlist, FYI.)
5. Obsession: Get Lost In GIFS Of Cap's Biceps
Move over, people — Captain America is flexing! (And proving that garden hose-like biceps are 100% real.)
5. Obsession Take 2: Over-Analyze Everything
OMG, did Bucky just try to shoot Tony Stark in the face? What's up with Iron Man's new tech? Why is Vision dressing in full-on dad mode? Whose side is Agent 13 even on? And do we care?
6. Learning: Read Everything You Can About Black Panther
Technically, Black Panther isn't the only new superhero joining the MCU, but, let's face it, after two huge movie franchises in the past 15 years, we basically know everything there is to know about Peter Parker. (Sorry, Spidey, the mystery is long gone.) So it makes sense that, while waiting for Civil War, fans are trying to learn anything and everything they can about Black Panther. What are his powers? Why does he appear to be Team Iron Man?
7. Bargaining: Convince Yourself To Get Excited For Another Spider-Man
It's not like it's only been two years since we last saw Peter Parker on the big screen. It's cool.
8. Shock: Accept That Ant-Man...Might Be Cool?
Be honest, Ant-Man is a weird superhero, but throwing him in with the Avengers, especially with Captain America, definitely gives him added legitimacy. And seeing him fangirl over Cap is everything.
9. Distraction: Go Down The Press Tour Rabbit Hole
If you aren't obsessed with Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie's bromance, then I really don't believe you when you say you're dying to see Civil War. I just don't.
10. Pain: Try To Resist All Civil War Reviews + Spoilers
Just like Elizabeth Olsen resisted Chris Evans' grinding, we must resist the temptation to go read all the Civil War reviews and potential spoilers. I know, it's so hard when all you want is to just know everything about the movie, but you must resist. Remember: you'll regret it when you finally get to see the movie.
11. Anxiety: MUST. RESIST.
Is Cap going to make it out alive?! I can't handle this uncertainty.
12. Hope: Quick — Marathon All Trailers, Clips & Interviews
To curb your craving for Civil War spoilers, do a marathon of all trailers, clips and interviews you can find. Anything to get a fix. You just need to hang on a few more days, I promise!
13. Acceptance: Ponder Your Life Choices
If you care so much about Captain America: Civil War, maybe it's time to look at your priorities. ...Nah, I'm just kidding! Accept that your life has brought you to this point of caring so much about Civil War, that you might actually have a heart attack while you wait for the movie to come out. Accept that, and those last couple of hours will be tolerable.
Now, go back to obsessively shipping Stucky on Tumblr. You're welcome.