11 Texts That Mercury Retrograde Would Send You If It Could

If you're reading this right now, odds are high that at some point in the recent past, you have been personally victimized by Mercury Retrograde. For those of you who have somehow missed out on hearing about it: Mercury Retrograde is an astronomical phenomenon that occurs when the planet Mercury appears to move backwards through the sky. According to astrologers, this move creates a time for introspection and looking back at the past — and, along the way, the potential for problems related to communication (a field that Mercury is astrologically associated with), as well as disruptions regarding planning, technology, and agreements. Some people avoid signing contracts, buying new electronics, or even agreeing to marriage proposals until Mercury gets out of retrograde. It's not that Mercury Retrograde is evil — but the low-key chaos it can introduce into your life might make you think twice about making any big commitments during its backwards-roling reign.

We're currently in the second of four Mercury Retrograde periods of 2016 — the first was in January, while this one began on April 28 and will end on May 22. During the current retrograde period, five different planets are in retrograde, which, as Bustle's Maddy Foley noted, doesn't compound their power or make them a Voltron of confusion or anything — but it does mean that this retrograde period could be more complex than usual for some of us.

I'm not trying to force my beliefs on anyone else, of course, but I personally believe that Mercury Retrograde hit me pretty hard this time. I've had silly technical issues with my insurance, scheduling, and bookkeeping, and when I tried to update my phone last night, it bricked. I have to make an appointment to get it fixed later today. But before my screen went black, I was having a pretty interesting conversation with my close personal buddy, Mercury Retrograde (we met at a pottery class). I reached out, trying to get answers. And I'm not going to say that my phone went dead because I got too close to the truth, and that you should consider me an American hero because of it...but I also can't think of a less dramatic way to say it.

So now, for your education and edification, here are some of the last texts I exchanged with Mercury Retrograde.

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