Praise the pop gods above, for the 27th day of May has finally arrived. After what felt like an eon of promotional singles and right foot mysteries and release date postponement announcements, Fifth Harmony’s sophomore album 7/27 strutted onto the shelves on Friday. And yeah, I do have a lot of feelings: I love the album, it's all I want to listen to, each track is as catchy as the last, the vocals crush left and right, the production is fire, I don't know what we did to deserve the masterpiece that is "Not That Kinda Girl" featuring Missy Elliott but I'm so grateful, the 7/27 lyrics would've been all over AIM profiles in the early '00s—
OK, I'm going to stop myself right there because I realize that last one came in piping hot outta left field. It's been about a decade since I last logged onto AOL Instant Messenger, and yet, 7/27 had me itching to update my buddy profile. What can I say? 5H brings out the best in me.
Much like the away message and the buddy icon, there was an art to crafting the perfect AIM buddy profile; Sure, you could keep things simple and just type your A/S/L, but why would you do something like that when you could truly ExPrEsS YoUrSeLf? With sticky caps, the veritable rainbow of font colors, and a 1024 character limit at your disposal, your buddy profile was where you could list your BFFs, share inside jokes, and throw in a song lyric that really *~get you.~*
Did I pick some 7/27 lyrics that would make for excellent AIM buddy profile content? You know the answer. Let's get to it already.
End of the night, looking at me, what do you see?/Wish I could read your mind/Dimming the light, here in the dark, going by feel/Only the moon to guide
Resist the urge to include your crush's initials at the bottom of your profile (i.e., the least slick move ever). Instead, type out these lyrics. Keep it *~cRypTiC~*.
Pick up the pen, put it on the paper/Write on my skin, bring me to life/Can't start again, there ain't no eraser/All of my flaws, you got them so right
Song: “Write On Me”
If you're going to go with a shoutout to your S.O./crush, why not keep it poetic?
Just give me one good reason, drop everything and leave it/Seconds away from turning this car back around/Something about your feeling, pushing and pulling me in/And now my walls fall down
Song: “Scared Of Happy”
I repeat: If you're going to go with a shoutout to your S.O./crush, why not keep it poetic?
I don't even know you/I don't know you like that at all/I don't even know you/No, if you keep on staring/I'mma show you what it's like to fall
Song: “Not That Kinda Girl”
A perfect way to let your buddies know that one of them wronged you and you aren't about to let it slide.
I ain't worried about nothin'/I ain't worried about nada
Song: “Work From Home”
Be sure to punctuate it with a "¯\_(ツ)_/¯," duh.
You've been down before/You've been hurt before/You got up before/You'll be good to go, good to go
Song: “That’s My Girl”
Oh, that one troll on your buddy list thought it'd be "funny" to hit the warn button until your account was temporarily disabled? This lyric will let 'em know that you can get knocked down, but you'll get up every time... and then warn the troll until their account is disabled.
And on that note, G2G TTYL CYA *buddy list door slam sound effect.*