'Big Brother': You Won't Believe What Aaryn Said Now

I went into this episode pre-bummed, because I hate to see Helen and Elissa (#momsquad forever) on the chopping block. I'd have loved to see Jeremy, garbage sculpted into human form, eliminated—it's too bad he managed to win Wednesday's veto competition.

Helen, Elissa and company do their best to rally the troops against fellow nominee Nick, encouraging the ladies of the house to strive for a gynocracy (Big Sister?). Before I started watching this show, I never would've imagined that an hour of people conspiratorially whispering could be so entertaining.

It's a lot of fun to watch Helen's electioneering in action. She makes a hard pitch to win Jessie's loyalty: "Nick, he's a great guy. But all he can offer you is two pairs. We can offer you a royal flush." Damn, girl. I know you're a political consultant, but this is some House of Cards ish right here. Well done.

Before we get to the elimination ceremony, Chenbot takes a moment to address the "insensitive remarks" that have been made inside the house. (Do we know for sure that the studio audience isn't also there 24/7, playing their own unauthorized version of Big Brother?)

After a montage of cast members angrily discussing their housemates' (cough cough AARYN cough) derogatory comments, we see Amanda confront Aaryn about the pain her words have caused Howard, Candice and others.

Okay, Aaryn. Listen up, girl. You have one chance to apologize. Start rebuilding your relationships. Take a break from being a horrible, horrible racist.

But no. Aaryn instead sees this moment as her opportunity to prove she's the actual, unequivocal worst. Here's how she responds to the news that she's offended the people around her: "That's the most obnoxious, annoying thing I've ever heard." Then she blows a raspberry. Hey, the housemates make blonde jokes, so "what's the difference?"

Nick's eviction "speech" sounds like a middle-school soccer coach trying to get his team riled up for a pizza party after the game. I'm not sure why both Jessie and GinaMarie have been aggressively angling for a showmance with him; he's like an over-caffeinated Twilight extra.

Surprise upsets: Jessie and Spencer (!) turn against Nick. I literally squeal with delight when McCrae, torn between his allegiances to the Moving Company and to ladyfriend Amanda, votes him out, too.

Nick is eliminated, 7-4. Cue: several minutes of GinaMarie's choking sobs.

This week's HoH competition, "Overnight Delivery," tests the housemates' recall of packages that were delivered on a conveyor belt in the early hours of the morning. After a series of true-or-false questions—and two tiebreakers—my girl Helen is crowned the winner!

I can't wait for next week. Hope you've got a taste for slop, Aaryn.

Image via The Washington Post