All The Things That Made You Cringe In The '90s

How do you upset the children of today? Easy — unplug the Wi-Fi. Change the Netflix password. Deactivate their favorite rewards program membership. The things that made us cringe in the '90s, however, looked a tad different. Remember, we're talking about a time when Internet required a plug in the wall, movies came from Blockbuster, and the only thing we were drinking was Hi-C. We must look like dinosaurs to today's youth.

To be fair, regardless of the decade, kids are just plain old weird; they'll eat their own boogers, but are thoroughly disgusted by two people kissing. But still, I feel like today's kids aren't roughin' it quite like we did back in the '90s. We played on monkey bars, nothing was automated, and we didn't have phones. We couldn't pick and choose the things we loved and hated — we learned by trial and error. Maybe that's why our most cringe-worthy memories involve green slime-filled popsicles and crooked bowl cuts, and not the barista who keeps spelling your name wrong.

I'll defend the '90s until I'm blue in the face. There was no better time to be a kid — we had the best toys, music, and snacks. Even I can't deny, though, that these things kinda made us cringe.

1. The Way Your Legs Stuck To The Playground Slide In The Summer

I know I'm not alone in this, right, guys? Guys?

2. Assigned Seating In Alphabetical Order

And of course, the kid you were stuck next to every year smelled like broccoli.

3. How Much The Dog Drooled In Sandlot

Was that really necessary?

4. Substitute Teachers Who Actually Taught

What in the... Teach?! What kind of black magic is this?

5. Baggy Shorts That Almost Reached The Floor

I get it. They were a '90s trend. But, like... pants or shorts. Pants or shorts. You can only pick one. You don't get to wear both at the same time.

6. The Nick Jr. Face

We loved Nick Jr., but Face? Something about him haunted my dreams.

7. The Hanson Brothers' Hair

Mainly because I was jealous, OK?

8. Super Long Wallet Chains

The only thing we carried were library cards — who needed chains?!

9. The Entirety Of Troll 2

No.

10. Tendrils On A Windy Day

They were cute and all. They were also the reason you always had hair in your mouth.

11. Backward Baseball Caps And Sunglasses

I just don't understand. Baseball caps block out the sun. It's part of their functionality. Why deny them of their natural talent and replace it with shades?

12. The Cake Scene In Matilda

Bruce Bogtrotter: Making children vomit since 1996. Still, though, he was also pretty heroic, so at least there's that.

13. Being The Only School Who Didn't Get A Snow Day

And you had a pop quiz that day. That burns, man.

14. Tape Cassettes That Came Completely Unwound

You felt nothing but pure disgust for the big, knotted, ribbony mess.

15. The Way Your Furby's Eyes Moved

You could tolerate the toy when it sat motionless on your shelf; but the instant its eyelids started flapping? Done. Get out.

Images: Tristar Pictures; Giphy (15)