Let’s face it: there are just certain, telling qualities that indicate whether or not you love books more than most humans — and by that, not only do I mean that you enjoy printed, compiled, and bound words more than most other humans do, I also mean that these signs indicate you like spending time with books more than you do people. Especially when Saturday night rolls around and your books and your BFF are competing for top billing on your weekend itinerary.
While I certainly didn’t invent the concept of skipping the biggest sock hop of the year (or whatever the kids are doing these days) in order to stay home and read, I’d like to think I’m one of the practice’s most devoted observers. I also stay up into the wee hours of the morning reading, have a rigid filing system for my meticulously curated shelves, and will always, ALWAYS prioritize buying a new book before paying the electric bill… unless I need to charge my Kindle — then I’m just in literary limbo until next payday. Is any of this sounding familiar?
If so, you’ll totally relate to these 8 signs you like books more than most humans — and don’t even pretend not to recognize yourself in all of them.
1. You Take More Shelfies Than Selfies
To be fair, your bookshelves need no filter. And no one will ever scroll through your Instagram thinking: “Gee, that Valencia setting made Infinite Jest look so slim.”
2. Your Budget Spreadsheet Has Two Columns: “Books” and “Everything Else”
And even if those columns don’t exactly add up, there’s somehow always enough money for more books. Groceries and bus fare… well, that’s another story.
3. You Cried More When Dumbledore Died Than When Your Aunt Margie Did
You spent way more time with Dumbledore than you ever did with Aunt Margie! Plus, she was approximately 106 years old — that’s a really good, long life. Dumbledore was supposed to live forever. Everyone knows it.
4. You Know When Someone Has Touched Your Bookshelf, Without Even Having To Look
You know that feeling you get when someone is staring at you, even if they’re across a crowded room—that sudden awareness of the fact that you may or may not have just been scratching the inside of your nose in a way that totally looked like you were picking it, and now there are eyeballs boring their way into your very soul? That’s the same feeling we book lovers get when someone has touched our shelves. And by the way: don’t touch our shelves. Like, ever. Especially without asking. In fact, don’t even ask. Just tell us what you need, and we’ll be happy to get it for you, along with a homemade library reservation card, and also probably a small electronic tracking device. You’re a fast reader, right?
5. You’ve RSVPed “No” To Weddings, Baby Showers, And/Or Bat Mitzvahs Because The Next Book In Your Fave Series Was Coming Out That Night
As long as you didn’t actually tell the hostess this was the reason for your declined invitation, I really don’t see what the problem is.
6. You Finally, FINALLY Invested In That E-Reader… And You Love It
Ok, OK. My name is E. Ce Miller and I love my e-reader. I admit it. I fought it for as long as I could; I really did. Print books were my ride-or-die — and we had a good run, paper-and-ink books and I. We were faithful to one another for decades. I wrote articles about my undying love for the printed word, averted my eyes when passing the e-reader stand at my local bookstore, even gave late-night, wine-fueled speeches about how the bound book can never die. But then I had to take this trip, see… and it was a long trip, and it was pretty far away, and checked luggage is just so expensive these days. Especially when your checked luggage is 75 pounds of paperback books. And the e-reader was just going to be a temporary solution, you know? Upload 15 or so of my favorite titles, read with abandon over my long journey, and then donate the device to some e-reader-deprived child. But having all those titles at your fingertips. Whenever you want. Well… there’s just no going back, really.
7. Your To-Do List Is Broken Down Into: “Books To Buy”, “Books I Want To Read”, and “Books To Read Again
And seriously, it’s never getting any shorter.
8. You’re STILL Trying To Complete The Rory Gilmore Reading Challenge… Yes, Still
The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire is really hard to get through, okay? Richard Gilmore had to retire AND separate from his wife (if only as far as the pool house) before he got around to finishing it.
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