This Is What Men Are Really Looking For On Tinder

Before you go through the pain-staking process of crafting the perfect Tinder message, comes the perfect Tinder profile. There are about a million different Tinder bio tips out there — everything from the perfect selfie to what color you should wear, even how to craft your bio. But Cosmopolitan decided to get some tips straight from the horse's mouth. And by horse, I mean the men of Tinder.

And while some of the men say exactly what you would expect (Be yourself! Have a good sense of humor!), others were a little more... odd. I would always caution that you should stick to the being yourself option. Crafting the perfect Tinder bio isn't going to help you at all if it doesn't represent you — any relationship that comes out of that won't be sustainable. You'll save yourself a lot of time and confusion by being honest from the get go. It's just easier. But it's still interesting to see what people are looking for, if only to see how arbitrary it can be. Everyone's turn-offs and turn-ons are so particular to them. Although let's be real, nobody, nobody, nobody likes tiger pics. Please stop.

You can check out the whole video here:

Here are my favorite parts, because sometimes you're just not close enough:

1. Be Yourself

"Authenticity is always, like, the biggest thing," according to this dude. So far, so good. You need to be yourself in order to see if you have likes and interests in common. I'm on board with you, sir.

2. But Be Funny

This still seems reasonable. This guy says "I like someone who has a sense of humor" — and being able to make fun of yourself is a must for me too, so these guys are right on my wavelength.

3. And Naked... But Not Too Naked

Now you've lost me. Apparently you should be "not half-naked in every shot," but you know, you should be half-naked in at least one photo. Right. Oh, and this guy has also had some problems with vegetarians in the past. Because, you know, that's a thing.

4. ... And Mysterious?

"Ideally, no picture," according to this guy. Now it's all gone to sh*t. He wants no picture, just an good age and location. I mean he's clearly joking, right? Tell me he's clearly joking.

5. And Close

Oh, and do your best to be close to this mystery person you've never met. According to this guy, "maybe like 1 or 2 miles away" because he's not traveling for you. God, ladies, it's just so easy!

6. And You Gotta Love Drake, Obvs

And not to be too specific, this dude loves "some good Drake lyrics."

So to recap, you just need to be honest, funny, close, photograph-less (except for the one where you're half naked) and have a profile full of romantic deep thoughts like "that pussy knows me better than I know myself." OK, full confession, I had to Google that Drake lyric, because I don't know any Drake lyrics. I'm sorry, internet. Now go forth and be the dream girl — it's so easy.