5 Things It's OK To Be Dishonest About In Your Relationship
When there is dishonesty in your relationship, that could obviously signal major problems down the road. After all, honesty is an essential foundation to build a relationship on. But is it ever OK to lie to your partner?
A nationwide relationship survey conducted by Dr. Pepper Schwartz and the AARP found that 75 percent of people in committed relationships admit that they lie to their SOs on a regular basis. Now, these lies don’t necessarily mean big things like cheating. Sometimes, they’re as little as not telling your partner that you bought something. Yeah, lying by omission counts as lying. But hey, we're all human.
While your partner definitely should be someone you share everything with, there are some instances where being too honest about everything might be problematic.
“Honesty is of course key to any healthy relationship," dating coach and certified matchmaker Francesca Hogi tells Bustle. "However, that doesn't mean it's healthy or productive to burden your partner with every single thought or experience you have. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your relationship is to leave certain things unsaid."
According to Hogi, here are five things that are OK to be dishonest about in a relationship:
1. Your Past Relationships
"We tend to have this belief that we should share everything of our past relationships with our current partner. This is false!" Hogi says. "It is not productive for you to share all the intimate details of your past loves. Too much information about the past can cause insecurity and friction in your current relationship."
2. Your Passing Attractions
If the new guy or girl in the office is really hot, guess what? You can and should keep that to yourself. "What's the point of sowing the seeds of jealousy? Nothing good can come from it," Hogi says.
3. Your Every Mood
According to Hogi, author Marianne Williamson talks about the "emotional indulgence" of telling people your every feeling the moment you feel it. Doing so can only prove to be harmful to your relationship.
"Sometimes you need to work things out on your own rather than make your issue your partner's issue. Wait until you have a grasp on your emotions and you're not looking to him or her to fix everything for you," Hogi says.
4. Their Annoying Behavior
"If you get close enough to another person, there's going to be many things he or she does that you find annoying," Hogi says. "But guess what? You're annoying too. Nine times out of 10, the thing that's bugging you is pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things. So just let go and let live!"
5. Why You're Dumping Them
No one likes being dumped. For the most part, breakups involve a lack of compatibility between two people. While "it's not you, it's me" is probably the absolute WORST thing someone can tell you when they're dumping you, it's probably one of the better ways to go about it.
"When you break up with someone, brutal honesty might make you feel better, but it's usually very unkind to the other person," Hogi says. "You can leave it at 'I don't feel that we're a match long-term and I wish you the best' and save the, 'The thought of ever having sex with you again makes me want to puke.' It's just the kind thing to do."
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