You know what? It’s been two decades, three sequels, and one MTV series, and it's time to draw attention back to the original meta horror flick Scream . Up until a Summer Screen showing last week, I had never watched Scream in full... obviously a poor life decision on my part. That’s because, for all its self-awareness, the first Scream movie is definitely showing it’s age.
Just in case you’re unfamiliar with this and every other horror movie, Scream follows skittish teen Sidney after the horrific murder of Drew Freaking Barrymore, pre-empted by a prank phone call gone horribly wrong. It turns out that it’s been a year since Sidney’s mother was also murdered, and it’s clear that the killer has an eye out on her. Could the killings be possibly connected? What's with this psycho's obsession with scary movies? And just who is terrorizing Sidney and the students of Woodsboro? Everybody's a suspect.
JK, it’s her gross boyfriend who seems mad sketchy from the start, and Matthew Lillard for some reason (peer pressure?). But, anyway, I recommend popping in the tape as soon as you get the chance (or streaming the film, like a normal person). In lieu of that, though, feel free to scroll down and enjoy all the laughably bad moments from Scream.
1. It's Been 20 Years And I'm Still Not Sure What Shade Of Lipstick That Is
But due to the perpetual '90s revival we're stuck in, I'm sure it'll be hitting MAC Cosmetic shelves any day now.
2. "LOL I'm Making Popcorn, Do You Wanna Date, Let Me Read You My Social Security Number"
Casey, get off the phone.
3. Just Of Note, The Ghostface Costume Has A Really Majestic Flow To It
Refined elegance at its finest.
4. "The Exorcist Was On. It Got Me Thinking Of You"
Whoa. Not sure how Sidney can resist this guy with panty-droppers like that.
5. That Electric Yellow Two-Piece Really Shouts, "I Want To Be Taken Seriously As A Journalist"
It's why I have five identical skirt-suits in my closet.
6. "It's 'Cause There's No Way A Girl Could've Killed 'Em." "That Is So Sexist. The Killer Could Easily Be Female."
Quick reminder that the beloved franchise is really known for its feminist values.
7. "LOL Randy This Is Such A Funny Joke Your Playing On Me, I'm Going To Entertain It For Five Minutes Before Getting At All Concerned"
Like her mom was murdered a year ago, you'd think she'd be a little more concerned about the nature of this phone call.
8. "They're All The Same. Some Stupid Killer Stalking Some Big-Breasted Girl Who Can't Act Who's Always Running Up The Stairs When She Should Be Going Out The Front Door. It's Insulting"
9. Tatum Arriving Halfway Through Class With A Starbucks
In a Betty Boop car, no less.
10. "What Did Mama Tell You? When I Wear This Badge, You Treat Me Like A Man Of The Law!"
That's a convincing statement if I've ever heard one.
11. Lipliner Game Immaculate
The dream of the '90s is alive in Monica Geller's make-up bag.
12. "Hey Sidney, I Think It's Time You Get Over Your Mother's Death, It's Making You A Sexual Killjoy"
He is AWFUL.
14. "Of Course, You Don't Look A Day Over 12."
And somehow that now wins the "Creepiest Pick-Up Line In The Entire Film" award, although a round of applause is in order because there was some stiff competition.
15. "Now That Billy Tried To Mutilate Her, Do You Think Sid Would Go Out With Me?"
This guy has his priorities straight.
16. This Is The Second Time Tatum Wears This Sweater In Like, 24 Hours, Why Is That?
Is it like her party turtleneck?
17. "You're Underage, Son. I'm Kiddin'. Have A Good Time."
A man of the law.
18. "LOL Randy Stahp This Is Such A Lame Joke, Unless This Is Some Kind Of Sick Sexual Roleplay In Which Case I'm Kinda Down"
Oh, honey, things are not going to end well for you.
19. Pictured: The Moment When You Regret Eating That Second Krispy Kreme
This had to happen on her cheat day.
20. "No, Billy, l'm The One Who's Been Selfish And Self-Absorbed With All This Post-Traumatic Stress."
No, seriously, she apologizes for being traumatized by the brutal death of her mother. What is this movie teaching us about a teenage girl's self-esteem?
21. "Are You Sure?"
Well, it's nice that he asks.
22. Also, This
This is basically every teenage boy failing hard to have sex for the first time ever.
23. "Dewey's Just Somethin' I Got Stuck With A Long Time Ago." "Well, I Like It. It's Sexy."
She said, holding back a fit of hysterical laughter.
24. This Is A Solid Escape Plan
25. Plot Twist: Dewey's Incompetent
It's remarkable that he survives this franchise, I swear.
26. Billy Is Just Committing To This Wounded Victim Role
Like he may be a psychopath, but this is truly his best performance.
27. The Fact That Sidney At No Point Tries To Escape When Billy And Randy Are Stu Are Stabbing Each Other
Like IDK why she stands there and makes this face like she's constipated or something.
28. Lipliner Game... Still Pretty Good
No matter how blood-splattered these girls get, they really know how to pick long-lasting cosmetics.
And there you have it. Now, you need to re-watch this movie, because it's a classic. And, let's be real, no sequel or TV series can compare to the classics.
Images: Dimension Films (31)