'Jurassic Park,' But With Cats Instead

Listen: cats are terrifying. I realize they're the official mascot of the whole of the Internet, but let's not get it twisted: these befanged feline murder-plotters are merely keeping their friends close and their enemies (US!!) closer until they become sentient enough to kill us all and take over the world. So it's the least surprising (and perhaps most brilliant) discovery that someone out there on the web has decided to replace the velociraptors from Jurassic Park's iconic kitchen scene with kittens. Because like I said: kitty cats are super scary!

Listen, the rest of you might be shaking your head in dismay, "Oh, hyperbolic Internet writer, why must you be so contrarian?" but the cooler heads among you know what I say to be wholly logical and true. You want to know why cats have the temperment of a finicky, evil child genius from a monied family who gives none of the fucks? Because they are on the evolutionary fast track to become fully actualized, conscious beings, aware of not only themselves but their surroundings and the implications therein on the rest of the known world and universe. Cats only let us think that they're our pets because they're always watching, listening, and waiting. How else would an animal learn how to overtake its captors? Lull it into a false sense of security and strike when they least expect it. Cats are playing the long game, folks — OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE IT!

Or, you know, watch this video and laugh and coo and giggle because kitties and silly things and Internet.

Image: We Are Camera Studio