A lot of us have been guilty of getting distracted during sex. It just happens. And it's not that the sex is bad — even when it is great, you can find yourself going through the motions and doing the same great sex positions over and over. It's especially true if you've been in a relationship for a long time and the sex has become predictable, but everyone who's had a meh one-night stand knows that you can kind of zoom through the motions in those as well.
But sex, especially with someone you care about it, is about connecting. But with all of the sensations, all of the movement— not to mention all the blood pulsing — how do you slow it down and reset? Is there a way to be more mindful in the bedroom? I know mindful sex sounds a bit like a Millennial spoof, but taking the time to really experience what's happening and touch base with your partner is never a bad thing.
"Mindful sex is all about connection," Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Bustle. " You need positions where you can look in each other's eyes, be aware of each other, be in the moment and connect on a deeper level." If you pick a position that makes it easier to make eye contact and slow things down, it will help facilitate more mindful sex. Sorry, doggy style. I love you — but just not for this.
Here are seven positions for more mindful sex, because sometimes you just really want to be in the moment. Remember, these sex positions work with two women as well.
1. On Top
How To Do It: As your partner lies on their back, straddle them and lower yourself onto them. You can grind or raise yourself up and down — or a little of both. Play around with what feel best for both of you.
Why It's Mindful: Slow things down and focus on you. "Slowly gyrate your hips, maintain eye contact," Levine says. "Don't rush. You get to set the rhythm."
How To Do It: While your partner sits cross-legged, lower yourself slowly into their lap, wrapping your legs around them. You may need a few attempts to find a comfortable position for both of you, but take it slow and use lube if you have to. Once you get it right you can stay there for ages.
Why It's Mindful: It's all about touching."Wrapping your bodies around each other, you can feel the closeness," Levine says. "Whisper in each other's ears, lick, kiss, explore your partner's body with your hands."
3. Face To Face
How To Do It: Lie facing each other, with your hips slightly above theirs and move your bodies closer together (you'll probably want to put your top leg over them). Lube and slowly movements will be helpful, and it's a really tight fit when you get it working
Why It's Mindful: It's not the best position for pounding and thrusting, but if you want to take a pause and reconnect this is the one for you. You're face to face, probably in the same position you have pillow talk, so the intimacy level is at an all time high.
4. In A Chair
How To Do It: Have them sit in a chair, but instead of facing away from your partner, straddle them facing them and slowly lower down.
Why It's Mindful: It's a great position for grinding slowly and really feeling connected. You can rest your chin on their shoulder or look into each other's eyes — it's like a big hug in a sex position, so you should be feeling really close.
5. The Bridge
How To Do It: Work those glutes. With your feet flat you move your hips up into the air, while they're on their knees and moves closer, slowly guiding themselves inside you.
Why It's Mindful: It's more of a difficult and exciting position, but you can still maintain eye contact. The fact that it's difficult and unusual means you really need to slow it down and pay attention to what you're doing, helping to ground you in the moment.
6. X Marks The Spot
How To Do It: You lie on the edge of the bed and put your legs to rest on their chest. Cross at the knee or ankle as they walk closer and enter you. Lube is your friend in this one.
Why It's Mindful: The fit is so tight that they'll probably be moving slowly than usual, and you can make eye contact but also really get a good view of each other. Make sure to take it all in, because you normally can't see so much of each other.
How To Do It: Classic missionary — if it's more comfortable, wrap your legs around them. Your partner can hold themselves up to make eye contact or lean forward and put their head over your shoulder.
Why It's Mindful: You can slow things down and really make eye contact. It's great for whispering and kissing. Rev it up and bring it back down — there's so much to play with.
Images: Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle