You have to be some degree of crazy to join a Real Housewives cast, but NYC's newest housewife may be the craziest. Ahead of the Real Housewives of New York City season premiere Tuesday, E! got to know the newest NYC housewife Kristen Taekman and she's definitely going to give Ramona a run for her money. But not in the way you'd expect or because she has the most ridiculous tagline.
Taekman is a model, mother of two, a successful businesswoman, and is married to the co-founder of the natural energy supplement EBOOST. She's also borderline creepily obsessed/in love with Elvis Presley, which she self-proclaims but to see the full extent, you should check her Instagram. And apparently, she's never watched a Real Housewives before because there's no other explanation for her nonchalant attitude about joining the NYC cast. She's actually just doing this all for fun, she claims, which prompts us to wonder how crazy she actually is.
We know for fact (and from many seasons of questionable behavior) that Ramona Singer is crazy, but is Taekman actually crazier for bringing this upon herself just because she was bored of being a stay-at-home mom? Let's investigate.
SHE JOINED THE SHOW TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS
NO ONE JOINS REAL HOUSEWIVES TO MAKE FRIENDS — seriously, girl, are you completely off your rocker? How much Pinot have you had today? Taekman told E! that because modeling and owning your own greeting card business is "such an up-and-down job" that she was basically a stay-at-home mom when Bravo came knocking. She said to herself, "Why the hell not," and agreed to do the show, because this is what she thought about the opportunity:
I mean, why not get out there, meet new women. I mean, I think that in this day and age, I feel like—and I'm sure everybody agrees—you kind of have your friends and you're kind of set in your ways and to meet a whole new group of women at the age of 36 in such a great city like New York, I mean I just felt like, 'You know what, this is a great opportunity.' What's the worst case scenario, I get something thrown at my face? I mean, come on.
That's exactly the worst case scenario — and according to promos, Taekman found herself at the wrong end of Ramona's wine glass already. This just makes us wonder if she's just blissfully unaware of the fact that these women will chew her up and spit her out alive with that attitude — I mean, remember what Jill did to Ramona when Mario was cheating?
SHE'S BFFs WITH BRANDI
Again, what the hell? This woman must truly be insane. Yes, we're talking about the one and only Brandi Glanville from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And Taekman's been best friends with her for YEARS. Here's the thing about Brandi, I'm sure she's a good friend to people that give her no reason to be a bad friend and every once in awhile I convince myself that she's not really the worst. But she kind of is AND she's got a real knack for tormenting her "friends".
Brandi actually supported Taekman in joining the NYC cast — the author and reality star told her BFF, "Go for it. Be yourself." Which apparently Taekman has done and it's working out for her. But still, she's absolutely crazy.
SHE'S NOT TAKING ANY OF THIS SERIOUSLY
Girl, if you think this is all fun and games — you're wrong. So wrong. I mean, the first sign that she thinks this is going to be way too much fun was her tagline: "I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm pretty!" Obviously that's a joke — she said so herself that it's actually an inside joke between her and her husband, Josh. According to Taekman, the pair always say to one another, "Well, you know, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed," and she says that that tagline is really indicative of who she is as a person. Taekman told E!:
I think it's funny. I'm a model and I think it's silly and funny and it's really true to who I am. I don't really take myself that seriously as you'll see. I mean I take my family and my work seriously, but other than that, I just think life is too short. You just have to have fun with it, you know?
Okay... you're going to need to keep your guard up a little more than that if you're going to hang with the big girls in NYC. You're fresh meat and they're all seasoned veterans of Housewives drama. Strolling in without a care in the world makes you THE EASIEST TARGET OF ALL TIME. Especially if you're alluding that you're dumb — unless you're doing that on purpose so you'll be underestimated, making it easier for you to strike, which in that case, props. But you are CRAZY if you think this act is going to win over the other women.
Kristen is totally insane. Probably more insane than Ramona, Kelly, Jill, and LuAnn all rolled into one — but we'll have to just wait and see on that.