7 Reasons To Embrace "Vanilla" Sex


For some people, vanilla sex is the best. Even as someone who likes to mix it up in bed and is happy to try anything once, I tend to go back to vanilla sex over and over. Because let's face it, for good sex all you really need to is to enjoy yourself and be able to get lost in the moment.

"A great lover makes you feel as though you’re 'escaping' your worries and totally engaged with them. Engagement with eye contact, the way you touch them, and slowing down helps build excitement, making climax easy to achieve," Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, and psychotherapist specializing in intimacy, sex, and relationships tells Bustle. So there's no "type" of sex that's better than another.

But vanilla sex gets a bad rap. People think it's boring or unimaginative and that the lack of danger makes it less sexy. I totally disagree. While I've had not-so-vanilla sex that's been amazing, I've also had standard, run-of-the-mill sex that has been just as amazing. It's certainly given me just as many orgasms. So, in defense of vanilla sex, here are seven reasons to embrace it, because practice really does make perfect:

1. Practice Makes Perfect

The best kind of sex is the sex that you're both good at and enjoy. Unless you specifically practice certain kinks regularly, the sex you're most familiar with is probably by default going to be a bit more vanilla. And all the practice means you're going to be good at it— and you don't want to underestimate the power of good technique.

2. There's Intimacy Galore

I'm not all for flowers and candlelight during sex — partly because I use so much dry shampoo that I'm basically a walking fire hazard — but vanilla sex lends itself to intimacy and romance. Obviously, all sex can be intimate and romantic, but vanilla sex has fewer distractions, which can make it easier to really connect.

3. You Can Focus On The Nuances

Smaller movements, foreplay, a tiny shift in position they are all things that can make sex go from good to amazing. Take advantage of vanilla sex as a great opportunity for small adjustments and experimentation — you never know what you might find.

4. You Feel Like Yourself

Some people feel most authentic when having rougher sex or elaborate role play — and that's cool. But others don't. For a lot of us, vanilla sex is where we feel most natural and at home, and the best sex always comes when you're feeling comfortable and confident. Although mixing things up once in a while is important, you can get a lot of bang for your buck in your comfort zone.

5. It's A Great Opener

Unless you've specifically agreed on something kinkier, it's good to embrace vanilla sex because it's probably going to be your ice breaker sex in almost every relationship. It's straightforward, and it's a great way to get to know each other sexually and pay attention to what your partner really likes. The other stuff can come later, so take some time to master the basics and really get a handle on each other's needs and wants.

6. There's Still Loads Of Variety

Vanilla does not mean boring. Vanilla sex still has limitless options. You can vary the position, place, power dynamic, style, and dirty talk a million different ways. Whether you're doing a quickie with lots of talking at 7 a.m. on a Tuesday morning before work or having a three hour tantric marathon with Yanni in the background on a date night, it can still be vanilla. Don't think you're going to run out of things to try.

7. You Do You

Bottom line? If you like vanilla sex, if that's what does it for you, there's nothing wrong with that. Embrace it. You don't need to keep trying things that you don't enjoy as much if you're getting exactly what you need and like. Own it — there's a lot to enjoy.

Images: Andrew Zaeh for Bustle; Giphy (7)