Quickies are exciting and fun, but there's also something equally magical about taking your time between the sheets. There are lots of reasons to have slow sex, which can be just as steamy or even steamier than fast sex (it's true!). Sure, it's hard not to love sex that also fits into your schedule. But sometimes, putting your sex life first can do wonders for your relationships and personal happiness.
There is so much more to sex than simply orgasming, which is awesome by itself but can also encompass other elements that begin way before you head to the bedroom, like foreplay. And besides, sex doesn't always have to begin in bed. I mean, you can totally start seducing your partner as early as dinnertime if you wanted to.
There are two ways to look at what I mean by slow sex. The first is that slow sex means taking your time to savor "the entire sexual experience" rather than focusing on intercourse and orgasm as the main goal, says Dr. Jill McDevitt, a resident sexologist at Swiss Navy lubricants. The other definition is more technical and means actually slowing down during specific acts, such as oral sex or penetration, and using gradual rhythms. Regardless of what type of slow sex you're looking to have, here are seven reasons to linger in the bedroom.
1. You'll Stay In The Moment
No more thinking about work, the election, or tomorrow's lunch. McDevitt suggests that you and your partner look into each other's eyes to bring about intentional pleasure. Sounds corny, but it works! "Going slow while making eye contact can be very helpful in bringing your awareness to what is happening in the moment, and heightening sensation and intensity," McDevitt says.
2. You Can Define What Awesome Sex Is
Forget what you see in mainstream porn and movies. McDevitt says it's really important to have zero expectations about what sex should be like or what's considered to be a sexy or a sexual body. You'll only end up disappointing yourself. Of course, this is different from experimenting with various techniques and roleplaying, which can totally make slow sex even better.
3. Going Slow Builds Up Anticipation For Later
When you're really into your partner and vice versa, it can be hard not to immediately rip each other's clothes off at the end of the day (or at the beginning — hey, sex is fun whenever!). But next time you get it on, try something different: take five minutes instead of a few seconds to undress each other, let your hands explore up and down, and really take delight in the foreplay. You will both be even more aroused and, trust me, it'll be worth your time.
4. There's Time For Exploration
Guess what? Having slow sex means actually having the time to play around and try out creative ways of getting each other off. Try out different sex positions, give each other sensual massages, and become attuned to each other's bodies. "Think about the warmth of your partner’s skin. Think about temperature, texture, scent, any sounds, like your partner moaning," McDevitt says. "Being mindful about the sensations that are happening in the moment, as they happen, is an important way to engage in slow sex."
5. Sex Lasts Longer — Duh
This reason is pretty intuitive. The more time you spend fooling around and the more you hump away at a slower rhythm, the longer it will take before you come. And, I mean, why wouldn't you want more time for sex? Need I say more?
6. More Powerful Orgasms
Yes, you read that right. McDevitt says couples who fool around for a longer time may experience more powerful orgasms. "The slow buildup of blood flow in the genitals and drawn out stimulation can make the orgasm more exciting and relieving when it finally happens," she says. Sign me up!
7. It Improves Communication In The Relationship
As you might've guessed, the benefits aren't just physical. Since it takes practice, slow sex gives you an opportunity to communicate your preferences, and it can help strengthen the bond between you and your partner. You'll feel both physically and emotionally closer while doing the deed, McDevitt says.
"Slow sex can help keep your mind focused on the connection that you share in the moment, instead of being in your head space," she says. So what are you waiting for? Get out there and have a marathon!
Images: Andrew Zaeh for Bustle; Giphy