I've been dyeing my hair since the tender age of 11, and I once received no less than 12 semi-permanent hair dyes in my Christmas stocking. I will die with perfectly colored hair intact, but I've also received creepy and annoying comments about dyed hair directed at my poor, innocent, perfectly-toned locks.
But despite the hours (maybe days) spent with dye sitting on my head and the subsequent hours trying to repair frazzled split ends with hair masks and the giant piles of cash i must have spent on my ‘do over the years, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve had a considerable amount of time to mull over all of the weird suggestions, backhanded compliments and outright rude expressions directed at my choice to keep my hair unnatural.
From gross suggestions about the rest of my body hair, to uncalled for comments about it’s state of damage, to queries asking whether I’m sporting a wig, or bizarre probings into my stance on gender equality — I’m pretty sure I’ve heard it all. If there’s one silver lining, (apart from my perfectly bright hair), it's that I’ve learned how to deal with hair-raising comments like these along the way.
1. "Isn't Your Hair Super Damaged?"
It's no surprise that years of bleaching and dyeing result in years of trying to resurrect your once perfectly smooth hair with overpriced hair masks and faddy treatments, but these are our personal choices to make — and not for anyone else to judge us for.
2. "Does The Carpet Match The Drapes?"
This is by far the creepiest comment you can receive if your hair is obviously dyed. Is it a pick up tactic? Do people really think we'll be seduced by such an obviously intrusive comment? The origins of this line are unclear, but it seems to have crept into the realm of acceptability.
3. "Do You Ever Wish You'd Kept Your Natural Color?"
If you've never been hit with the urge to dye your mousy brown bob a crazy color, then you're a stronger woman than I. I wish people would understand the fact that even if I do get pangs of longing for the simpler hair times, it's nothing a bottle of semi permanent bright purple won't fix.
4. "Why Isn't Your Hair The Same Shade As Your Brows?"
I'm not sure if some people realize this, but not everyone has the same color body hair as they do on the top of their heads. In fact, many people choose to darken their brows using makeup simply because it looks cute as hell.
5. "Is It A Wig?"
Extra creepy points if the said person has a little tug of your locks, just to check. Unless someone's rocking a spectacular wig during a fancy dress party or Halloween, just don't ask, it's inappropriate — and definitely don't touch!
6. "You'd Look Much Prettier If Your Hair Wasn't a Strange Color."
Ah, the pretty card. Whether it's girls who cake on their makeup, subscribe to all things OTT in life, or paint their hair with color as if it was a canvas — many of us are used to hearing the old "you'd like prettier if..." trick.
7. "How Do You Keep It In Such Good Condition?"
You really don't want to know my 10 point hair regime and follow up aftercare system — but ask my this question and that's what you'll get, in all it's drawn out, mundane glory.
8. "Do You Ever Lose Jobs For Having Hair That Color?"
I'd like to think as a society, we've moved past the point in which people lose opportunities due to the fact their hair resembles the colour of candy floss — but sadly this is not the case. However, the connotation that those who do choose to color their hair are missing out on tons of opportunities is grossly untrue, and many people who do dye their hair do so knowing it won't affect their chosen career path.
9. "Are You A Feminist?"
This is by far the weirdest thing I have ever been asked in relation to my hair color, and it happens surprisingly often. Who knows why a sharp blue bob screams feminist (I mean I am, but that's beside the point.)
Despite all the unnecessary comments towards something as simple and inoffensive as my choice to do with my hair what I please, I wouldn't stop dyeing my hair just to conform to other people's notions of acceptability. Plus, there's nothing more satisfying than the face of someone who, after saying something strange about my hair, gets a head-ucation in return.