Between clubs, bars, and dating apps, there are plenty of ways to meet someone you're physically attracted to. But how do you attract your soulmate? I enlisted the help of an expert on that matter: a psychic matchmaker.
On TLC's The Psychic Matchmaker and in her own private practice, Deborah Graham uses her clairvoyant abilities to set people up and advise them on their love lives. She can read people's energies and auras to assess their past, present, and future. And aside from being a psychic, she's full of practical, no-nonsense dating advice, some of which you can read in her book Get Your Head Out of Your App: A Psychic's Guide to Attracting and Keeping True Love.
If you're a young American who lives in a big city, chances are the dating scene where you live feels like it's dominated by hookups and online dates that don't go very far. And that's all well and good — if that's what you want. But people looking to connect with their soulmate, or even just the person they're spiritually meant to be with for the time being, need to put in some extra effort, Graham tells Bustle. Here are the biggest tips she'd give people who want to attract their spiritual match, not just their physical one.
1. Look Around You
It seems painfully obvious, but one of the simplest ways you can up your chances of meeting someone is to make eye contact. A lot of us are uncomfortable locking eyes with strangers and retreat to our phones to avoid it. But by doing this, we miss out on connecting with people on an energetic level that's harder to access through a screen.
2. Cover Someone's Coffee
One tip Graham likes to give her clients is to pay for the coffee of the person in front of you or behind you in Starbucks. Even if they don't end up being a dating prospect, you're sending the universe the message that you're open to meeting someone. Plus, it's just a nice thing to do.
3. Prepare Your Home For A Guest
The universe is taking notes on your behavior, says Graham. If you've got your ex's sweatshirt draped over your couch or your bed is too full of stuffed animals for someone else to fit in, the message is loud and clear: You literally don't have room for a relationship. Arranging your home as if you've got a special guest visiting — for instance, leaving out an extra toothbrush or putting another pillow next to yours — tells the universe your door and your heart are open.
4. Go Out Alone
When you're huddled in a group of friends, you're not approachable, says Graham. You're also blocking out the energetic force that makes someone turn their head when they see you. Sitting at a bar alone can be scary, but if worst comes to worst, you can strike up a conversation with the bar tender. If the thought of nothing to occupy your attention is too nerve-wracking, try a bar with a TV. That could also give you and your potential date something to talk about. Graham's favorite spot to recommend, though, is a dog park. She's serious about this: "Even if you don't have a dog, borrow somebody's dog."
Your spiritual match could be on the other side of the world, says Graham. So, in addition to getting the same benefits you get from going out alone locally, traveling alone or with a few friends ups your chances of meeting someone who's the most spiritually compatible, not just the most geographically convenient. Plus, people are just more open to meeting people on vacation.
One way to let the universe know you're open to meeting your spiritual match is to ask. But don't get too specific. Before you go out or go on a date, meditate and imagine what it would feel like to meet that special someone — not what they'll look or act like. Graham recommends saying, "I visualize somebody who makes me feel safe, somebody who makes me feel complete in my life, somebody I can share and be in a relationship for eternity."
7. Give People A Chance
It's a good thing not to settle for less than what you need. The problem, says Graham, is that we don't know what we need. You might think you need someone with a specific body type or profession or age, for example, but the universe doesn't work that way. "Energy is not something you see. It's something you feel," she says. "Remember, nobody died and made you king or queen, so get off that throne and let's have some fun."
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