Like an alcoholic beverage shaken up by a disgruntled DJ at a magazine’s annual jamboree, the Vanderpump Rules Season 5 premiere exploded back onto Bravo on Monday night. After spending a few minutes on letting the viewers at home know what our beloved Pumpers are up to, the ep got right to the drama: Jax has a new rumor to share. And this time, it's a rumor about his girlfriend, Brittany. Buckle your SUR-tbelts, we are about to hit SUR-bulence.
We the viewers first meet The Rumor Of The Episode (and, if the “this season on” is to be believed, it looks like it might be The Rumor Of The Season, too. Will this be Crotch Motorboat 2.0? Only time will tell, I suppose) while Jax and Tom Sandoval are at work. As they pour cocktails at SUR, Jax, with a glint in his eye, tells Tom Sandoval that he walked in on his girlfriend Brittany and his pal/ex-friend-with-benefits Kristen sliding into third base one evening. Jax tells Sandoval that he was upset at the time, but now he seems relatively unbothered by it? After they have a laugh about Jax getting Jax’d, Sandoval goes on to relay this tale to Lisa Vanderpump* and Ariana.
Later that evening, Jax pulls ex-girlfriend/ex-enemy Stassi aside at the OK! Magazine party and spins his yarn. Stassi isn’t sure she believes him; as she has learned time and time again, Jax is not exactly a stranger to fabricating a story. All the while, Kristen and Brittany are adamant that absolutely nothing sexual happened. Both insist it was just a drunken, platonic make out. They want to move on, but Jax won't let it go.
As the episode rolls on, Brittany seems to get more and more upset by her boyfriend’s rumormongering and jokes and zingers about Kristen.
“Everybody has rumors spread around about them,” Brittany says in a talking head. “But the fact that Jax is the one spreading the rumor is what’s super embarrassing. What kind of relationship am I in if my own boyfriend is doing this?”
Seriously. Whatever did or did not happen, Jax should probably chill out on gossiping about his girlfriend. And by “probably” I mean “definitely.” It really isn’t a good (or respectful) look. Deal with that stuff privately, dude. I'm no relationship expert, but maybe if your significant other asks you to stop spreading around a story about them, maybe heed their request? Just a thought.
*And no, I don’t know if I will ever unhear Lisa uttering the phrase “chowing down on Kentucky muffin."
Images: Charles Sykes/Bravo; Bravo; bricesander/tumblr