Winter In The '90s vs. Winter As An Adult, Because Things Look Just A Tad Different When You're Old
Something happens as you age, and your idea of fun changes from toys and games to anything involving wine and your dog. Take winter in the '90s versus winter as an adult, for example. Just thinking about how I spent the winter months of my childhood is utterly exhausting. I needed constant entertainment; and the instant it stopped, I'd mutter the two words parents despise: "I'm borrrrrred." These days, fun means I don't have to shave my legs or put on a bra. That sounds like an absolute dream.
Don't get me wrong. There's still a kid inside of me who refuses to grow up; and during the winter months, you can bet that I'll get the itch to go run around in the snow and then park my behind on the couch for a holiday movie marathon. Because JTT in I'll Be Home For Christmas? Let me think... Um, yes please. (Seriously. He never stopped being beautiful.)
Alas, 28-year-old me doesn't quite have the spunk '90s me did. These days, winter looks a whole lot different. From how I dress to how I spend the occasional (and heavenly) snow day, winter in the '90s and winter as an adult don't bear any resemblance.
How You Spend Your Free Time
In the '90s: Where are my boots? Where is my shovel? If you need me, I'll be building snowmen all day. Don't disrupt me unless it's because my Pizza Rolls are ready.
Today: I refuse to leave bed. Please bring food.
In the '90s: These snow pants make me look like a marshmallow. YES. Gimme my snow tube.
Today: This camel coat totally isn't insulated. But at least I'll look amazing while I fight off hypothermia.
In the '90s: When do we open gifts? Someone better have gotten me the Destiny's Child Christmas CD like I specifically requested.
Today: You're not drunk. You're not drunk. You are not drunk.
Your Beverage Of Choice
In the '90s: Gimme a hot chocolate. With marshmallows. I SAID I WANT MARSHMALLOWS.
Today: This non-fat mocha is not non-fat.
Your Social Life
In the '90s: I can't wait to show all my friends my Freezy Freakies.
Today: Social life? Is that that thing I do when I marathon Golden Girls with my cats?
The Shopping Experience
In the '90s: Claire's. Bath and Body Works. Then to the food court for a quick slice at Sbarro. Then pics with Santa. Al right, everyone. In position. Move, move, move!
Today: No. Because Amazon.
How You Keep Warm
In the '90s: I want a Mr. Bubble bubble bath and my mermaid Barbie. If I don't come out in an hour, just wait longer.
Today: This is what laundry from fresh out of the dryer is for. You didn't think I was actually going to fold this, did you?
In the '90s: No school for a month. Score. Put some fresh batteries in my Game Boy.
Today: OK, so. I don't have any sick days left. But if I combine the holiday with my unpaid vacation days, I can actually go on a vacation but won't be able to afford groceries beyond ramen for... uh... a while. I can make that work.
In the '90s: Uncle Gary is so silly when he drinks too much eggnog and wears his underwear on his head.
Today: If anyone brings up the election, I'm disowning every last one of them.
Getting Snowed In
In the '90s: But but but but but... WHY?
Today: Oh darn. I can't go anywhere. I guess I'll just sleep in and stay in my pajamas all day.