Thanksgiving is almost here, and I'm sure you're all thinking the same thing I am: Give me a bowl of gravy and a straw, and I'm good to go. No? Just me? Regardless, I've loved the holiday since I was a kid, because a day in the life of a '90s kid on Thanksgiving was full of magic, leftovers, and getting to switch to winter holiday mode the instant it was over. Of course, that wasn't all it was: Thanksgiving was about the family coming together, expressing gratitude for all of the amazing things in our lives, and looking forward to the year ahead. And gravy. I really feel like I need to emphasize that point.
While holidays as an adult are a little less major, as a child, Thanksgiving in the '90s started the instant you opened your eyes in the morning, and ended as you were passing out in a tryptophan coma last thing at night. It wasn't just another day, or another dinner; it was an experience.
Of course, our families' Thanksgiving traditions are all different. Maybe yours had less cornbread and more football. (That would be the point that I excused myself from the living and headed back to the kitchen.) Regardless, I think we can all agree on one thing: Thanksgiving in the '90s was a kid's dream come true.
8:00 A.M. You're Too Excited To Sleep
On a scale of one to your birthday, Thanksgiving is about a seven. That means that once it's deemed an appropriate hour, your body automatically wakes up. It's a gift.
8:01 A.M. I Smell Food — Don't Try To Keep Me Away From It
Something smells intoxicating — and I'm not just talking about your Cucumber Melon body spray from Bath and Body Works. Somewhere beyond the door to your bedroom — which is plastered with Tiger Beat posters — your parents are already cooking.
9:00 A.M. Breakfast And 'Toons
After a luxurious bubble bath, you make your way to the kitchen, where the 'rents promptly request you have a light breakfast so you don't spoil your appetite. You opt for an Eggo waffle and retreat to the living room for the Thanksgiving episode of Hey Arnold! (Or maybe the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. To each their own.)
10:30 A.M. Grooming And Dressing
Family isn't expected for another few hours, but you can't handle the suspense. You slip into the tulle dress your mom bought especially for the holiday, you slide into your freshly shined black patent leather shoes, and you grab the biggest scrunchie you can find, because you're the #boss and this is how you do.
11:30 A.M. A Dark Discovery
You're about to head downstairs to see if the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is still on TV, but something catches your eye: Holiday presents... hiding under your parents' bed. Your heart stops. There are so many questions. But not today...
1:30 P.M. Let The Festivities Begin
Relatives start to arrive. Grandma walks in with her famous homemade apple pie, and you drool a little. You wonder if anyone would notice if you snuck a tiny piece early. Grandma mumbles something about how the Backstreet Boys totally lip-synced their performance at the parade.
2:00 P.M. Your Dad Considers Deep Frying The Turkey
Martha Stewart made this technique popular in 1996, and Dad swears he has it under control. But you mom says something about fire insurance not covering it, so the turkey goes in the oven instead.
3:00 P.M. The Adult Beverages Are Flowing
Uncle Albert has already had too much hard apple cider and starts talking politics. Aunt Edna rolls her eyes, and you pour yourself another glass of Surge.
5:00 P.M. Dinner Is Served
The Thanksgiving dinner table is something from a dream. You plan on staying away from the red goo you don't realize is cranberry sauce; but the mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, mac and cheese, turkey, and stuffing? Pass me a dish. Pass me all the dishes. You're going to gobble 'til you wobble.
6:30 P.M. The Carb Coma Sets In
You're not sure if it was the creamed corn or the third piece of pumpkin pie, but now, you feel like Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka when she turns into a giant blueberry.
7:30 P.M. You Sit Down For A Christmas Movie
It's a Thanksgiving tradition to watch a winter or holiday movie after dinner and start complaining about how miserable Black Friday is already making you. You were hoping for I'll Be Home For Christmas (JTT! *drooling*), but the majority vote sways in favor of Jingle All The Way. Whatever. That works.
9:30 P.M. Another Successful Thanksgiving Comes To An End
Uncle Albert is starting to snore and talk in his sleep (still about politics), so everyone calls it a night. You go to bed with the worst food baby, but so satisfied and full of delicious treats. As you're drifting off to sleep, a new thought enters your mind: Snow.
Images: Getty Images; Giphy (12)