During Monday night’s Southern Charm, Thomas Ravenel hosted a dinner party. The occasion: he wanted to bestow some of his wisdom upon his costars. I mean, sure. He’s been through some shit, and wants his buddies to learn from his mistakes. As good as his intentions might've been, the actual dinner went haywire. WOO, did it ever. He delivered a monologue and his audience TURNED on him. And on each other. T-Rav wound up caught in the middle of a fight between Craig Conover and Kathryn Dennis. Craig stormed out. Kathryn stormed out. T-Rav looked deflated. I was left wondering if they ever got around to dessert, or if that part was edited out of the episode.
I've never been to a dinner party quite like T-Rav's, but that didn't deter me from imagining what it'd be like being a fly on the wall. Without further ado, I present The Glass T-Rav Menagerie.
The Glass T-Rav Menagerie
Your friend calls. He tells you he is hosting a dinner. He'd be honored if you'd attend, because this will be a very important gathering. He informs you that he has life advice for you and the other guests. You start to chuckle, but immediately pretend that you’re clearing your throat. You don’t mean to laugh at your friend. He means well. You accept the invitation.
The night of the dinner, you sigh as you rifle through your wardrobe. “What does one wear to an unsolicited life advice party?” you wonder aloud. “I don’t remember what my finishing school teacher said. Oh, would you look at that! I don’t remember my finishing school teacher’s name! My memory, I’ll tell ya.”
You pick out an outfit, get ready, and drive over to the host’s house. You and the other guests are seated at a formal dining table. Dinner is served. As is life advice. But the life advice is peppered with Glass Menagerie references. He says something about a mental prison. It’s been a while since you’ve read The Glass Menagerie, so you aren’t sure if what he says is accurate. Once again, your poor memory leaves you hanging. You'll take the host's word for it. One of the other guests mumbles under his breath that the host is way off, but you don’t know for certain. You nod politely as the host recounts calling off his wedding to a beverage cart girl three days before the ceremony. He says he "threw her away like she was yesterday's trash." He continues talking about his own glass menagerie. You do what you can to follow along.
But then, you are distracted by a pebble caught in your heel. You subtly and quietly work the pebble out of your shoe. No one notices. Success! Unfortunately, by the time you remove the pebble, you’ve missed too much of the host’s story. You’re officially lost. You shrug and turn to your supper.
The other guests cannot stop smiling and/or laughing. Oh this must be the punchline of the story, you think. I wish I hadn't missed the setup! And then, the dinner party turns sour.
Wait. I thought he was telling a joke, you think. Crimeny, WHAT did I miss?!?!
One of the guests is offended by the host’s remarks. Another one of the guests seems to be offended by the first offended guest being at the dinner at all. The second guest says something that really upsets the first guest. The two offended guests argue. The host dives into the conflict. Two of the other guests duck into a hallway and make out. You finish your supper, grab your coat, and ask all of the not otherwise engaged guests if they’d like to hang out.
Of course they’d like to hang out. How dare you ask. This is Charleston, gosh darnit. Everyone is always down to party.