'Glee' (Semi) Spoilers: Artie & Co. Tackle STDs & The Freshman Fifteen On 'Tested'

When we first heard that the sixteenth episode of Glee 's fifth season was called "Tested," we assumed FOX's musical dramedy would be tackling college exams, or maybe testing the resolve of its characters. While we've been enjoying the more adult plots the NYC focus has provided so far, little did we suspect that the writers were planning a full-fledged STD storyline. This probably shouldn't come as a surprise from the show that tackled the abstinence vs. sex education debate in its second episode, but still — something about those innocent little musical theater geeks getting STD tests feels slightly icky, no?

So what prompts the kids' interest in sexually transmitted diseases? Here's the extended summary for the episode, courtesy of the Glee Wiki:

Blaine discovers his newfound love of “cronuts” has the residual side-effect of weight gain - namely, the dreaded “Freshman Fifteen.” Combined with witnessing a more physically fit and self-confident Kurt’s star rapidly rising at NYADA while his simultaneously wanes, the increasingly pudgy former dreamboat begins to suffer a crisis in confidence… leading to some uncharacteristic behavior. As “Film School Artie” enjoys a success with the ladies that “High School Artie” never could have hoped for, he is quick to avail himself of all opportunities presented him. However, he soon discovers that his Casanova’s ways come at a price, one which may preclude him from making the one special connection he truly desires. As roommates Sam and Mercedes explore being a couple, she confesses that she is still a virgin and is not sure when (or if) she will be ready for them to make love for the first time. While the smitten Sam agrees to wait as long as she wants, he nevertheless tries to do everything he can to prove his worthiness and expedite the process… while she seeks outside advice from several sources.

Wait a second — Artie is a Casanova? Since when? What happened to Kitty? The show has never addressed the film school geek's relationship to the blonde Cheerio since he moved to the Big Apple, and judging by this summary, it looks like the adorable pair has sadly split. They better acknowledge that relationship in some way, even just to let us know how it ended, rather than just forgetting it ever happened. (Because we love Kitty and are still sad that she's gone.)

Here are the songs that will be featured on tonight's episode:

  • "Addicted to Love" by Robert Palmer, sung by Artie
  • "I Want to Know What Love Is" by Foreigner, sung by Mercedes
  • "Let's Wait Awhile" by Janet Jackson, sung by Mercedes & Artie
  • "Love is a Battlefield" by Pat Benatar, sung by Blaine & Kurt

What can we surmise from this song list? Clearly Artie's taking full advantage of his newfound singledom in the Big Apple, and his "addiction" will result in a massive case of the herp. (He must have missed that day in Coach Carr's sex ed class.) Mercedes seems like she might be seriously considering going all the way with Sam — although judging by that Janet song, it's likely that she'll reconsider before the end of the episode. As for Klaine? Looks like Blaine's weight gain will highlight some underlying insecurities for the couple, and result in a clash of some sort. Glaringly absent from that list? Rachel! This is only the second episode of the season she won't be featured in vocally, after the L.A.-set Nationals episode "City of Angels." (You can bide your time until the episode airs by listening to all the songs here.)

Last night, Fox released the cold open for "Tested," which features Artie, Blaine, Kurt & Sam starring in an old-timey STD awareness commercial. It's cute and satirical, which is a relief — it's good to see that the show is tackling this issue with some amount of cheekiness, and not the overwhelming seriousness that dominated last week's episode about gay bashing. Not that "Bash" wasn't a great episode. We just need some laughs this week. And judging by that ridiculous STD suit, we should get plenty.

Images: Fox (3)