There's a classic episode of Friends in which Monica explains to Chandler that there are seven female erogenous zones. Each zone has a corresponding number, and she maps out different combinations (a-one-two-three!) that could potentially lead to pleasure. Then she launches into a euphoric "SEVEN. SEVEN. SEVEN!" resulting in thunderous studio audience laughter and applause, and us going: What is that!! I want a seven-gasm!
Women who watched the show thought, "Waaaaait. What am I missing in the bedroom? Seven zones? I'm ditching Cosmo for NBC, bitches," while men vehemently committed to finding they mysterious seventh zone, wherever the hell it may be (in the nose?). It gave them a new mission beside finding a woman's clitoris. (Hint: that's probably what seven was, anyway.)
Even if we can assume what "seven" most likely was, we've still got six other numbers to deal with. And since the Internet exists, this internal wonderment has come to full discussion on the Web. Women and men have taken to Yahoo! Answers, the beacon of lowbrow Internet discussions, to ponder Monica's zones. When in doubt, going to the Internet to discover the answers to your most pressing sexual pop culture questions, is never a bad idea.
Anyway, since Friends is hitting the 10 year anniversary of its finale, this question seemed worthy of revisiting. But first, let's revisit that scene:
Alright, Internet, tell us what's up!
Well, some guy referred to them as the 7 "erotic zones." Because your body is erotic.
Wallet - Credit cards - Cash - Nice car - Nice house - Fancy clothes - Foreign vacations.
GREECE! ROME! ITALY! PARIS!
Uhh, okay. No thanks, dude. A nice house will not get her off, FYI.
In the same thread, we have this scientific gem:
eye's ears nose throat back of neck inside thighs ankles
Besides the poor grammar, please, for the love of Trojan man and birth control, do not stick something in my eye or try to grope the inside of my throat.
And lest we forget, some real chauvinists on the Internet like to turn the conversation to being about them:
1) Penis 2) Penis 3) Penis 4) Penis 5) Penis 6) Penis 7) Penis What? Guys can have erogenous zones too!
But that's not what we're talking about here. Maybe we're talking about your spirituality?
The seven spots on everyone's body could be chakras.
Wake up mah chakras, please!
Anyway, this isn't helping. I need answers. Real answers. So what are these zones, anyway?
Well, for starters, there are aren't seven zones. Take a gander on the net and you'll discover that there are well more than seven. Sure, there are some basic erogenous zones — breasts, clitoris, neck, but there are articles out there telling women to explore some uncommon places like behind the knees, the abs, the elbow fold ... Depending on who you are, different things will work for you.
And that's the point: this legendary pop culture sexual code is open to interpretation to the viewer. Whatever your six is, that's your six, even if it's "fancy clothes" like that Yahoo! dude suggested. What turns you on, turns you on, so in this case... Yahoo! and the Internet with their variable, head-scratching answers may very well be right. Essentially, no two women are the same and they will be turned on to different things — but we can infer what this one is...
Hint: Not the credit card. Please don't touch my credit card.
Image: NBC; Tumblr/onica Gellar GIF