Tom Hiddleston as a 'Striking Vampire': 13 Other Celebs Who'd Make Great Undead
Five words: "Tom Hiddleston as a vampire." Three more: "With Tilda Swinton." Tack on another four — "directed by Jim Jarmusch" — and presto: Just 12 words and my head's already exploded. Indeed, the film I'm describing — a concept so excellent I'm still not convinced I haven't been Inception-ed / living in the Matrix / caught in the hazy endorphin rush that precedes death — is called Only Lovers Left Alive , starring Hiddleston and Swinton as vampire lovers surviving in post-apocalyptic Detroit and Tangier. In short, it's everything you ever wanted and then some, and then Tom Hiddleston with that hair, and then yes. Though I'm usually loath to see yet another piece of media involving the fanged undead, the sheer, glorious fact of this film — in conjunction with Jemaine Clement's new mockumentary What We Do in the Shadows , of course — forces me to admit, begrudgingly, that yes, this vampire fad might just be worth continuing after all.
So, why did Jarmusch jump on the bandwagon? In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter , he explained that he first conceived of the film because he wanted to work with Tilda Swinton again and "thought physically, she'd make a striking vampire." She does, to be sure — as does her co-star, and her predecessors, Gary Oldman in Bram Stoker's Darcula, David Bowie and Catherine Deneuve in The Hunger, et al. — but there are plenty of other actors who would simply slay in an undead role and haven't yet had the chance. The requirements? Dark hair, perhaps. Cheekbones, a must. But mostly, it's that certain dangerous je ne sais quoi — a look that says "I am a murderous, immortal monster, and I dare you not to be into it."
So, in an effort to embrace the vampire as a perennial screen protagonist, here's a list of 13 famous faces who would look great in faux fangs — in hopes that some director will be equally inspired as Jarmusch and craft a supernatural tale especially for them.
But quickly, before we start, here's a clip of Tom Hiddleston eating a blood popsicle. You're welcome.
Is it really possible that she's never portrayed one of the undead? I mean, for God's sake, she and Billy Bob Thornton wore vials of each other's blood around their necks. What more proof do you need? She even told The Guardian, "when other little girls wanted to be ballet dancers, I kind of wanted to be a vampire." Give the woman some fangs already!
Full disclosure: I had a pretty hard time picking a picture for this entry, because I find Cillian Murphy to be basically perfect-looking and thus got lost in a Tumblr K-hole. But I think the above image casts him in a vampiric enough light — as if you needed any further convincing after seeing that face, right? Seriously though, Murphy has proved through his varied past roles — see: Breakfast on Pluto, Red Eye, Batman Begins — that he can be at once coy and threatening, the perfect mix for an alluring predator.
Given White's essentially translucent skin tone, I'm not entirely convinced he isn't a vampire already. His raspy-voiced melancholy and blues-y twang make him an excellent candidate to haunt the bayous of True Blood, if nothing else.
Gael García Bernal
In Pedro Almodóvar's Broken Embraces, two of the main characters discuss their forthcoming screenplay, tentatively titled "Dona Sangre" (Give Blood), about hip, young vampires who get their sustenance from blood banks. I would like to hereby officially request 1) that Almodóvar actually make this film, and 2) that Bernal be the star.
Caplan's expert at cracking wise, but I bet she could also rock a pretty twisted dark side. Plus, Janice would totally have bitten Regina — all the better to prove her big lesbian crush.
Already a household name at age 17, Lorde has proved she can carry a successful music career — so why not dabble in acting, too? Her penchant for dark lipstick alone makes her an excellent vampirism candidate, as does this:
Especially after his recent turn as tortured composer Robert Frobisher in Cloud Atlas, among many other charmingly distraught performances, Wishaw seems like he could really sell the pain of immortality, the pathos of relying on human blood to survive. Also, he looks real nice in period garb. Just sayin'.
As with Jack White, I'm not entirely sure that Yo-landi isn't already some kind of supernatural being — but either way, I think she'd make for a kickass vampire. Ninja, too. Because if anyone's going to find a way to make blood-drinking edgy despite all of its recent rehash, it's Die Antwoord. And, if this video is any indication, they've got some legit acting chops to boot.
AKA, Freddie from Skins. Sure, Pasquilano may not have made for the world's most compelling performer in the two TV seasons afforded him, but most modern vampire fare is about eye candy anyhow, right? And he's got that "angular features, black mop" look down pat. Also, while we're on the subject of Skins...
Because really, she's giving me some serious Drusilla vibes — at once spacey and keen, flighty and distinctly dangerous. And — not to pigeon-hole her forever in her breakout performance, but — has anyone ever explored the plotline of a vampire with an eating disorder? Perhaps niche / insane, sure, but you just know they're going to go there someday, and when they do, I nominate Murray for the job. Her portrayal of Cassie was just so perfectly heartbreaking; why not add some gore into the mix?
... and for that matter, while we're on the subject of British TV, why not try out the ninth Doctor? Eccleston's turn on Doctor Who, though tragically brief, proved that he could dally with the supernatural while still compelling and emotionally engaged. I see him as an old school Dracula type — bring on the capes.
Because really, imagine how insurmountably cool Zoe from Firefly would have been had she just straight up bit her foes in the jugular on a regular basis. I mean, there's not much that could make Zoe cooler, so that's really saying something. (Also, yes, I know she already played a witch on The Vampire Diaries, but that is not the same.)
In addition to rapping, singing, and making hearts explode with a single wink, the frontman of K-Pop supergroup Big Bang is also in a bloodsucking frontrunner in my opinion. It's all in the smirk, really.