Mila Kunis Calls Out Soon-to-Be Fathers in the Most Hilarious Rant Ever — VIDEO
Ah, pregnancy. The miracle of life is about one part joyous and about several parts horrific. It's essentially nine months of swelling, nausea, and pain culminating in an attempt to push a person out of a place that doesn't seem large enough to accommodate them. The fact that we've had a rash of rumored (and some confirmed) celebrity pregnancies, such as Kourtney Kardashian's third child with Scott Disick and Rachel Bilson's first child with Hayden Christensen kind of makes it seem a little more glamourous than it actually is, but that doesn't change how annoying pregnancy can be. Like, having to roll out of bed to throw up in the wee hours of the morning. Or like when a man announces "we are pregnant" when telling everyone about his incoming child. It's that last minor annoyance that led to Mila Kunis issuing a warning fathers-to-be on Jimmy Kimmel Live! and it was hilariously epic.
Kunis is currently pregnant with Ashton Kutcher's baby and she was looking more gorgeous than any of us will ever be as she talked babies with Jimmy Kimmel. Then, Kimmel makes the mistake of saying that he and his wife are having a baby — of using that trigger phrase "we are pregnant" — and Kunis snaps. In a scripted way, of course. She takes the small mike off her clothes, picks up a handheld microphone, and takes the spotlight to the other side of the set, where she issues a public service announcement to all fathers-to-be.
"Stop saying, 'We're pregnant.' You're not pregnant! Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your lady-hole? No... When you wake up and throw up, is it because you're nurturing a human life? No. It's because you had too many shots of tequila," rants Kunis. "Do you know how many shots of tequila we had? None. Because we can't have shots of tequila. We can't have anything because we've got your little love goblin growing inside of us. All you did was roll over and fall asleep."
Kunis schools every man watching with hilarious poise. I myself have thankfully never been pregnant, but I've read enough biology textbooks and seen enough Maury to know that the women does all the hard work here. While it's nice when soon-to-be fathers want to be more involved enough to share equally in the pregnancy with the phrase "we are pregnant" as opposed to having to be dragged before Maury Povich with their fingers crossed that they're not the father, it's kind of a presumptuous statement to make. Your wives are the ones squeezing a human being out of their lady-holes, guys. They're pregnant. And they can't even have tequila.
Watch the speech below.