Howard, Amanda and Candice are all up for eviction tonight. The nonexistent MVP (i.e., America) continues to psychologically torture the houseguests, this week nominating Amanda—who had been my favorite, until a compilation of her own racist remarks from the live feed recently surfaced online.
Howie, Candice and Spencer are now determined to oust Amanda. At first, they don't seem to be swaying anyone, with the exception of GinaMarie ("Amanda, she got no power with me"), but isn't having GinaMarie on your side ultimately kind of a negative? Andy makes a fake pact with the boys, but Amanda's stalwart ginger ally immediately tells her the whole story.
When she confronts Spencer, he plays it cool. To maintain "plausible deniability," he pretends he's gunning for his ally Candice instead. But the conversation quickly gets heated. "I'm not some punk bitch who's going to kiss your ass," Spencer says, then straight-up tells her to "shut up." Classy, bro. Why haven't we gotten around to eliminating you yet?
Helen overhears this, and relays Spencer's apparent betrayal to Candice. Furious, she marches into the backyard to call a house meeting. Good plan, dude. Remember how that played out for Howard? "House meetings always go really well," Amanda deadpans.
Candice publicly declares the increasingly unsavory Spencer a traitor, informing everyone how he'd previously said he hoped Amanda would "choke on her saliva" and that her "boob would pop out." Wow. Again, wow. Watching this, I'm cringing for so many reasons. Could this outburst jeopardize Candice's future on the show?
Believe it or not, our contestants have already survived 42 days inside the house. Chenbot catches them up on recent celebrity births with a current events quiz. Which megafamous offspring came up first? Was it the Royal Baby? North West? Nope—BB12 alum Britney Haynes' newborn daughter Tilly. Whenever I embarrass myself with my lackluster knowledge of news (which happens, uh, totally infrequently?), I'm just going to pretend I've spent the last 42 days on Big Brother.
Before the voting begins, we take take an adorable excursion to Judd's "two-stoplight, two-gas station" hometown of Englewood, Tennessee. According to one of many excited residents, all of whom sound exactly like Judd, he's "the biggest thing in this town since electricity." The people of Englewood have rallied around their favorite son with viewing parties and #TEAMJUDD shirts. Even the Mayor, who looks like Willie Nelson with a more Willie Nelson-y beard, offers his praise. I demand a reality show set in Englewood, CBS. You have until October.
In her eviction speech, Amanda announces that she and McCrae are "Big Brother engaged." She even flashes a ring. Wait, is this a real thing? Apparently, as seen by viewers of the live feed, the couple had a quickie fake wedding last night in advance of Amanda's potential elimination. Mazel tov?
With seven votes to evict, it's Howard who's going home. A nice guy to the end, he exits graciously.
The Wild West-themed Head of Household competition requires houseguests to keep their balance while walking in place on a spinning barrel. It looks harder than it sounds—but it's exactly as boring to watch as you'd imagine. The good news: Chenbot announces that, next week, there won't be any Have-Nots. The bad news: We won't find out who won HoH until Sunday.
The crazy news: Two houseguests will be evicted next Thursday.
Image via CBS